Sunday 27 September 2009

105 - Quote/Unquote...

Golf is a good walk spoiled. - Mark Twain

Bad Sausage and five bogeys will give you a stomach ache every time. - Miller Barber

My goal this year is basically to find the fairways. - Lauri Peterson

When you start driving your ball down the middle, you meet a different class of people. - Phil Harris

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf - it's almost a law. - H. G. Wells

The only way to enjoy golf is to be a masochist. Go out and beat yourself to death. - Howard Keel

For most amateurs the best wood in the bag is the pencil. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

Pebble Beach and Cypress Point make you want to play golf, they're such interesting and enjoyable layouts. Spyglass Hill, now that's different; that makes you want to go fishing. - Jack Nicklaus

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. - Jim Bishop

I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool. - George Brett

Thursday 24 September 2009

104 - Forever Autumn...

Every year, when the editors are looking for something to fill their pages, Golf Whine Monthly will have ‘the big debate’ where members of the editorial team will argue the pros and cons of summer golf over winter golf. Although there are many valid and well reasoned points I find myself sinking beneath waves of apathy as, for me, autumn golf is the way forward – all the benefits of summer and winter without the drawbacks from either.

We all know that the weather is a big factor in golf and playing in beautiful sunshine on a warm day sounds idyllic. Unfortunately the weather in this country is rarely like that. In the summer months it is either torrential rain or a normally unheard of heat wave. Trying to concentrate on the million things that need to be done to get the ball to fly where you want it while being cooked in your own juices as the sun beats down is no fun whatsoever.

The winter is no better as, apart from the obvious risk of frostbite that occurs on the course at that time of year, there are the rock hard fairways and stupid winter greens to contend with.

Brilliant Colour...Add freezing rain and hail to the mix and playing golf in winter can be as enjoyable as invasive bowel surgery...performed by an inexperienced junior doctor...without aesthetic...in a back street surgery...in Bangkok.

No, golf in the autumn is a much better prospect in my book. The trees are starting to turn and flash yellows and reds (right) around the fairways breaking up the blanket of green we are usually faced with, it is cooler than just a few weeks before meaning I don’t end up a complete sweaty mess on the final green and there seems to be less ‘traffic’ at the course which is definite bonus.

I’ll try and arrange a round with next week after work before we start to lose the light as the winter nights draw in. If we can get on the first tee for around 14:30-15:00 then we should just about finish before it goes dark although it is a while since I’ve played so there could be a fair bit of Army Golf on show which obviously takes longer!

Before that I need to get down to the range to blow the cobwebs away. It has been a while since I’ve ventured to the range which is bad as I know I need to practice as much as I can. The last time I went I had a bit of a hallelujah moment which I’m keen to try and replicate plus I want to test out my new (that turn out to be old) clubs some more. So that is the plan, I’ll let you all know how I get on.

Wednesday 23 September 2009

103 - Three Weeks Old And Already Retired...

I recently bought my first set of new golf clubs. After months of research, comparison and debate I finally settled on Mizuno’s award winning MX-200’s as they offered a good combination of forgiveness and flexibility while still being a forged club which delivered feedback and feel. I was all set to buy them when I spotted an offer on a set of Mizuno MP-57’s and that was all she wrote as the American’s would say.

I’m now the proud owner of a set of MP-57’s which are classic Mizuno blades. According to the manufactures website and the magazines these clubs are aimed at the lower handicap players who still want a little forgiveness along with feel and shot shaping capabilities. They have gorgeous, clean looks and feature Mizuno’s famous ‘Cut Muscle’ cavity technology which gives clueless clowns like me some control over the ball.

I was happy that I had bought a set of clubs that, while not being the very latest on offer from Mizuno, were still new enough to be promoted on their website. My happiness was cut short when I opened the latest edition of Golf Whine Monthly to find that the boffins from Osaka had brought out four new sets of clubs including the MP-58’s which are a direct replacement for the shiny, new clubs I’d just purchased!

Titanium...I hurried to the Mizuno website and found that my clubs had been ‘retired’ and replaced with the new 58’s (left). To add insult to injury the replacement clubs are ever so slightly better in all areas than mine!

The ‘Cut Muscle’ cavity has been developed into a ‘Dual Muscle’ insert which includes a lump of titanium to help lower the centre of gravity and increase forgiveness. I WANT A LUMP OF TITANIUM IN MY CLUBS GODDAMMITT!!!

The new clubs have a thinner top line and sole than mine which improves the look at address, the new titanium weight makes them more workable than mine and the perimeter weighting is increased on them for more stability. They are some of the most technologically advanced clubs that Mizuno have produced and, in the right hands, will no doubt have the ball finding fairways and greens all over the world.

It is fair to say that I was initially gutted when I read up on the 58’s although having slept on it and looking at it from the ‘half full’ angle my clubs did cost about half the price, they look so much nicer than the new model and despite all the extra engineering I’m certain I wouldn’t see the benefit right now as my stance is wrong, my grip is suspect and my swing is all over the place! After initially throwing my toys out of the pram I can now honestly say that I’m happy with my clubs.

Tuesday 22 September 2009

102 - Groove Is In The Heart...

So the powers at be who ruin, sorry run golf have concluded that the professionals are receiving too much help from the club manufacturers and have decided to outlaw the use of ‘u’ grooves on clubs – the miserable sods. Now that the spin police are on their backs the big companies are trying everything they can to provide the same amount of control without falling foul of the latest rules.

For those of you who don’t know, the ‘u’ referred to describes the shape of the groove on the face of your wedges if you examined them carefully. In the old days grooves where cut in a ‘v’ shape which made the ball spin nicely but the introduction of the new shape enabled professionals to control the ball a lot more which, according to the powers at be, is making it too easy for them.

Because the ‘u’ grooves are wider at the bottom than the ‘v’ type any water/sand/soil that gets picked up as the club hits the ball has less effect on your Bridgestone Tour B330, allowing it to spin more. This additional spin equals additional control for professionals – something the governing bodies don’t like this one bit, they seemingly don’t want to see the players producing amazing shots around the green, delighting the crowds and TV audiences...

Porn...With the restrictions scheduled to be put in place in the next few years the club manufacturers are already on the case trying to find a way around the restrictions.

Mizuno have announced that their new range of chippers have something called ‘quad cut grooves’ which conform to the new regulations already while still giving professionals the maximum performance. Mizuno are stickin’ it to the man!

The Japanese club wizards are proud to let everyone know how much work they have done to produce these lovely little grooves. As the name suggests the channels are made using four separate cuts to produce grooves that conform to the new rules while still allowing decent players to manipulate the ball any which way they want. No doubt the law makers will be harrumphing at Mizuno’s efforts and meeting to move the goalposts again next year.

All this engineering excellence is fine but the most important point about the new wedges is their looks! The picture above shows the new wedges in all their splendour. It is fair to say that the RAW Black Satin finish is trouser tighteningly good and the MP-T10 is, in my opinion, now the best looking wedge on the market along with the Oil Can Titleist Vokey (which the definition of golf porn!)

So the battle between the governing bodies and the club manufacturers enters a new chapter. The rule makers want the players to use skill not technology to win tournaments, the players are demanding increased performance from their equipment and the manufactures are using all their guile to keep one step ahead of the regulations. While all this is happening I’m still chipping the ball clean over the green regardless of what I use.

Monday 14 September 2009

101 - Sixth Monday Rant - Catch 22...



When I started playing golf last year I was pretty confident that I would be reasonably good at it quite quickly as I used to knock a ball up and down a field with a rusty, leather gripped 4 iron with ease when I was a kid and I’m quite good at anything I put my mind to usually. I’m annoyed to find that isn’t as easy as I thought.

Despite spending hours and hours at the driving range I have failed miserably to achieve the simple goal of hitting the same shot twice in one session. I’m not saying I haven’t improved its just that I haven’t improved enough which in turn saps the motivation out of me and if I’ve not motivated I have a habit of throwing the towel in rather than to stick at it.

The obvious answer is for me to get some lessons or pester the life out of my friends until they agree to help me over this hump. The thing is, I hate being rubbish at anything, let alone something as frustrating as golf, and it makes me want to walk away in a sulk. I’m never going to do it, I’ve spent too much on golf porn and I’ve got a subscription to Golf Whine Monthly to think about!

No, I need to dig in and get on with it but I simply can’t find the motivation to do it. I’ve got a gaggle of friends slavering to help my yet the spark has seemingly gone – frustration has won. This may sound sad to some of the more eager players out there but I’m seriously struggling to be bothered with golf right now.

I explained to my good friend Richie that I have never enjoyed a round of golf. He vowed to drag me around a course and MAKE me enjoy it – yeah, didn’t make sense to me either! I think if I got to a level where I was hitting half of the fairways from the tee, finding the odd green with my long irons or just two putting then I would have a different outlook but right now I feel a million miles away from that.

Maybe Richie is on to something; maybe the problem is that I’m looking at the game the wrong way around. I’m focussing so much on getting better that I can’t enjoy the game but if I went out there and just played for enjoyment I’d almost certainly improve because I was playing more often. I think I’ve just had an epiphany!!!

Right, that is it, I’m going to take an afternoon off this week, drag my carcass to the local municipal and try my best to have a laugh as I whack my ball from rough to bunker to woods. Who cares what my score is? Who cares how many balls I lose? The important thing is that I WILL enjoy it. And like that my motivation is back…I’m so fickle!

Wednesday 9 September 2009

100 - Still Here...

Well who’d have thunk it, 100 posts to this little blog? To be honest I didn’t think it would still be going past last summer but it has survived a whole year now despite my clear lack of writing ability, clumsy articles and sometimes questionable content. Hey, I’m not complaining, I think I’ve done well to last this long. Thank you for your loyal support – both of you who read it.

So what has happened in a year? Well I’ve taken up golf, discovered it is the most spiteful, annoying son-of-a-bitch sport on the planet, spent enough money at the driving range to pay for my own course, bought two sets of golf clubs and all manner of accessories and clothing (mostly black). Oh and I’ve played the odd round too but nowhere near enough if I’m being honest.

I’ve learnt a lot about myself over the last year – mostly that I can’t play golf, I have no patience whatsoever, I get way too annoyed with inanimate objects (usually small, white objects covered with dimples as it happens), I’m obsessed with wedges, I’m obsessed with Mizuno and I need to be careful what I say on this blog as big corporations have a habit of reading it.

So what has gone well over the last year? Well I’m certainly a better player than when I first went to the driving range 12 months ago, but not THAT much better to be honest. I can’t use my driver but the 3 wood with the stiff shaft I bought the other week at least gives me a fighting chance off the tee. My £10 Howson hybrid is like some sort of magic wand and I’m not bad with a wedge.

The list of things that haven’t gone well is considerably bigger. I haven’t played enough, I gave up on the sport twice, I knackered my ankle and couldn’t play at all for three months, I reached a certain level of ability then didn’t improve and I didn’t join the golf society after pledging my support at their annual general meeting. All in all, nothing to be proud of in that little lot but it does give me a foundation to build upon.

In summary, I am in a marginally better position than I was last year but still nowhere near where I want to be. I have all the gear and still no idea which is irritating the life out of me. The most annoying thing is that all I need to do to edge closer to my goal of being ‘just rubbish’ at this sport is to put in a bit of practice with my mates who are more than willing to help. The next 12 months have got to better than the last.