180 - Oh So Right...

The regular reader of this crappy little blog will know that I have a thing for Mizuno. For me they are a perfect blend of technology and design yet don’t fall into the trap of appealing to the club captain at the local private course. I like the fact that they aren’t as popular as the likes of TaylorMade, Callaway and Ping, makes me feel smug owning a set.

I realise that by getting all smug and elitist about my gear plunges me into the depths of golf snobbery, something I rant about often on these pages. Yeah, I can be a hypocrite as well as a bit of a pompous bastard. Anyway, I digress, Mizuno are my current object of desire and their new range is trouser tighteningly good.

The JPX800 and JPX800Pro are latest in a long line of great looking ‘game improver’ clubs from Mizuno that work as well as they look. Mizuno made their name by producing beautiful grain flow forged blades and the new MP53 and MP63’s continue this tradition with ease. It is fair to say the new high end clubs so pretty they could be on a teenager’s bedroom wall.

The new MP-630 range of drivers and fairway woods aren’t quite as stunning at the new clubs but what they lose in looks they make up in performance. Mizuno have honed the Hot Metal face technology to make the new big sticks the furthest and straightest ever produced by the company.

MX-700 hybrid is now joined by an all new direct long iron replacement in the shape of the MP Fli-Hi designed to fit the shape and flight characteristics of the other clubs in the MP range. The all new MP-630 CLK compliments the rest of the 630 range of woods to complete the hybrid line up.

Another area where Mizuno traditionally excel is in wedges. The Japanese company are famed for producing buttery soft feeling chippers that provide plenty of spin and feel around the green. The latest offerings include the updated MP T-11 with its quad cut grooves and the JPX Series wedges designed to complement the rest of the JPX range.

Also available are two different ranges of putters, the traditional MP range and the more contemporary Line 90 range. Mizuno decided to produce their own putters after working closely with Bettinardi in the past and now offer something for everyone. The MP’s come in three classic shapes while the Line 90 employ five designs names after volcanoes!

Finally there is the new range of limited edition Aerolite X bags (above) which come in a number of loud designs and colours. One thing is for certain about this range, you will not be missed on the course, definitely one for all the Ian Poulter wannabes out there.

Overall I think that Mizuno have got it spot on once again. Their equipment is primarily designed to work on the course but they have the knack of making their kit look so good. The new blades are stunning, the putters a revelation and the bags an eye opener. Why don’t all the other manufacturers get it this right more often?

179 - Manga Ads And Sk8erboi Bags...

I’ve been looking at Mizuno’s new marketing and I’m a little confused. Their latest adverts depict a Manga-like, cartoon character playing like a hero with their stunning new JPX800 clubs. The advert is very cool, really interesting and will make no sense to anyone over 40 which is a risk seeing as this is probably Mizuno’s core market.

Kudos for the Japanese wand maker for having the stones to fly in the face of convention and produce a marketing campaign that doesn’t feel like it has been bought off the shelf from an expensive London advertising agency; I’m just worried that it may be money wasted.

Mizuno look like they are trying to tap into and actively encourage the emerging young golfers market which can only be a good thing in my opinion. Making golf cool will draw in the next generation of Ryder Cup stars and might even force a bit of change in the local clubs.

I believe that the sooner the stuffy Pringle Set lose their overbearing control over golf the better as some of the hoops that new players need to jump through to play on a half decent course are too much like hard work.

I have a niggling doubt about this advertising campaign though. I doubt that enough kids will see the adverts and be persuaded that far from being a game played by fat, middle-aged men in BMW’s, golf is actually a really enjoyable sport that requires skill, mental toughness and stamina. I think Mizuno agree which is why they have a secret weapon; a new bag!

Actually it is a range of Limited Edition Aerolite X bags that look like they have been designed by Avril Lavigne and Tony Hawk. They are very loud, very colourful and almost guaranteed to cause a heart attack on the first tee at Private Members only courses up and down the country.

The change of direction in terms of advertising and producing more ‘yoof’ oriented equipment gets my hearty seal of approval, I just hope that Mizuno don’t alienate its core demographic and get its fingers burnt as a result.

178 - It's Yer Money I'm After Baby...

After the last article about my mate having around £200 to spend on his new obsession I got thinking about what he could buy if money were no option. I realise that there is probably no limit to how much that could be spent so I decided to have a poke around my favourite online emporium; www.onlinegolf.co.uk to see what my mate could get without a lottery win.

Driver: TaylorMade R9 SuperTri TP - £340. This driver, which combines Moveable Weight Technology and Flight Control Technology with 3 moveable weights in a 460cc head, marking the ultimate unification of TaylorMade’s major driver technologies with maximum size to deliver enormous distance and forgiveness from the tee on the golf course

Fairway Wood: TaylorMade R9 TP Fairway Wood - £215. This fairway wood has a new classically shaped clubhead, similar to the R9 Driver, which looks fantastic at address, and with TaylorMade Flight Control Technology, you can change the club into 8 different positions to optimise your performance on the golf course.

Hybrid: TaylorMade Rescue TP 2009 - £165. A shot into the rough can be saved with this essential addition to your golf bag. With an extremely low centre of gravity for an easy launch, and Ultra Thin Wall technology for greater weight distribution, this is a club every golfer needs to recover from a misplaced tee shot.

Clubs: Yonex Golf 3I Nanospeed (right) - £783. By incorporating the Isometric Face and 3D Power Weight system across the iron set, these irons now offer a greater sweet spot and substantially increased forgiveness from the clubface. The long irons feature an innovative wide cavity and long sole which pushes the centre of gravity deeper into the club head for a higher launch. In contrast, the centre of gravity is progressively shifted closer to the club face across the mid and short irons to provide a more accurate feel and enhanced distance control.

Wedges: Callaway Golf X Series Jaws Wedge (below) - £85 each. This astounding wedge benefits from aggressively-sized MACK Daddy Grooves, which have been designed with maximum conforming width and depth grooves to give you shot-stopping control and spin, and enable you to take aim from virtually any lie on the golf course.

Putter: TaylorMade TP Agsi Kia Ma Putter - £225. This marvellous putter is 100% milled from 304 stainless steel to ensure every detail is rendered beautifully and perfectly; has adjustable Micro-Moveable weights to change the putters’ weight and customise the feel to suit your preference; and an AGSI+ Titallium face insert to negate backspin and promote forward spin to provide great roll and control, as well as a soft and solid feel.

Bag: TaylorMade TMX T2 Cart Bag 2010 - £180. A total of 10 pockets, including dual accessory pockets and a velour-lined valuables pocket, give this bag space to store everything you could possibly need on the golf course, from spare golf clothing to a number of golf balls in case your round doesn’t go quite to plan! With a golf towel clip, integrated golf umbrella sleeve, and Fast Action Snap Technology accessory compatible, this magnificent golf bag ensures your golf accessories are always within easy reach.

Trolley: Clicgear Cart Trolley Version 3.0 - £180. Clicgear offers a full sized three wheel golf pushcart that glides smoothly down the fairway and yet still folds up incredibly small. At only 13 x 15 and 24 when folded, it won’t take over your car trunk or garage.

Balls: TaylorMade Penta TP Dozen Golf Balls - £35 per dozen. This is the first Tour golf ball to feature 5 solid layers, with each layer engineered to optimise performance in five key shot categories that skilled golfers need. The 5 layers of Penta TP golf ball include the core, inner mantle, middle mantle, outer mantle and cover, and each of these plays a critical role in optimising the performance of each of the five key shots.

So there you have it, driver, fairway wood, hybrid, clubs, wedges (x2), putter, bag and ball. Total for that admittedly pretty awesome kit? A whopping £2,293! That doesn’t include clothing, an electric trolley, rangefinder/GPS or a brolley!!! My friend’s £200 looks even more pitiful now.

177 - Starting All Over Again...

I received a text from a mate last night asking what clubs I owned as he was thinking of taking up golf. I was excited naturally – another lost soul to trudge around a muddy field with, both of us aiming with perfection but settling for a decent lie in the rough or a favourable bounce on a frozen green.

I explained to him that what he should do is get a budget and then buy the best he can afford. I asked him how much he was hoping to spend and was told he would go up to around £200. I know in his head this sounded like a substantial amount but we all know that it is a pittance in the real world of golf.

I told him he would struggle with such a small budget as he needs a driver (or fairway wood), a utility club/hybrid, a half set, a wedge, a putter, a bag, a trolley and a pair of shoes for starters. I know he could probably save a few quid by ditching the hybrid, wedge and trolley but it is still a lot of equipment without a lot of cash.

I suggested a starter or a second hand set would probably be the way to go until he committed to the game whereupon he could invest in some serious golf porn.

A quick look on eBay shows all manner of clubs in various conditions and a few starter sets from companies I’d never heard of (although I did see a set from Wilson which ticked all the boxes).

He asked for some club suggestions so he could do some ‘window shopping’ so I sent him links to some of the wilder super game improver clubs.

He was impressed by the Nike SQ Machspeed, the Callaway Diablo and TaylorMade’s new Burner set (in fact he commented that the clubs looked too good to use – a good sign?)

If he gets into the game he will no doubt be looking at a set of super game improver clubs unless he is a bit stupid and buys a set of blades like I, erm, did. In my defence, they were the most forgiving blades that Mizuno produced at the time with a cavity back, great workability and movie star good looks. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it…

I might see if I can get my mate on board the Mizuno Express too. The Japanese club wizards have just brought out the stunning looking JPX800 aimed at the high handicap player which would be perfect for him. Another member of the Mizuno Mafia would be more than welcome.

176 - Big Winners...

So the Ryder Cup was eventually won by Europe. Well done Monty and the boys, you did the continent proud (well most of you – yeah I’m looking at you Molinari brothers – grrr). Not trying to sound too cheesy here but the big winner in my opinion was the game of golf itself.

When Celtic Manor was chosen as the venue for the 2010 Ryder Cup a lot of eyebrows were raised. Was Europe playing into the hands of the USA by selecting a course with a distinctly American feel to it? Surely it would have been more beneficial to select a gnarled Links course that the American’s would struggle with?

I hindsight Celtic Manor was a fantastic choice as it gave both teams the opportunity to win making it a contest worth watching…once the rain had stopped, obviously. It was a brilliant idea to hold a major sporting event in Britain in October, brilliant idea. The torrential rain on Friday meant that the competition finished on Monday – the first time this has happened in its history.

Some of the golf that was played was stunning, Luke Donald, Ian Poulter, Rickie Fowler and of course Tiger Woods played brilliant shots at various times throughout the weekend.

Woods produced a vintage round on Monday to remind us all why he has been the world number one for so long.

After all the games, all the drives, approach shots and putts the competition came down to the final game on the final day (but not quite the final hole). Graham McDowell (above) held his nerve, Hunter Mahan fluffed his lines and the trophy returned to Europe with a hole to spare.

Queue scenes of elation in South Wales echoed around Europe by golf fans and new converts alike. Twitter was throbbing with messages starting “I don’t usually like golf but…” as none golfers got caught up in the emotion and excitement of the spectacle taking place at Celtic Manor.

Colin Montgomerie was humble and reserved as the celebrations started; Corey Pavin looked on the verge of tears. The passion and excitement of the final day did so much good for the game, especially here in Europe, we love winners in Europe!!!

175 - Kanga-cool...

When I first started this blog I wrote about designing my own little logo after seeing a Titleist advert showing how different Tour players mark their Pro V1’s (the point they were trying to make was that with so many players using their balls they had to mark them so there was no confusion – clever and smug, I approve).

I came up with some initial designs and eventually settled on my own stylized little kangaroo. The kangaroo incidentally comes from a nickname I got in college years ago so I thought it would be as good a thing as any to use for my logo seeing as it was quite unusual.

With my little stick figure ‘roo designed and refined I started drawing it on my golf balls. The problem is, golf balls have dimples and I don’t have a template or guide so getting the logo on the ball means me drawing it freehand which invariably means it goes all wobbly.

No, the only option is to get someone else to put the logo on for me which means looking to the professionals.

A quick look on the Internet shows there are lots of companies that will print text or images onto a golf ball for a relatively small charge.

Thankfully there is usually a wide choice of balls to select from too so I’m not going to be lumbered with my little logo plastered on something that is effectively a plastic covered stone or something that has all the flight characteristics of a house brick.

I asked my brother-in-law who is an all round smart arse when it comes to design to transfer my logo from a back of a napkin scribble into something that a printing company can use. After a couple of hours he had whipped up my professional looking little logo (above). I’m genuinely impressed!

Now that I have my design I intend to get it put on a box of Srixon AD333’s as soon as possible. I’m also getting it put on a couple of polo shirts too; there is a company that will embroider it onto an Adidas Climacool and a Nike Dri-Fit for a couple of quid extra.

Give it a couple of weeks and I’m going to look the part…or an utter, utter cock.

174 - Square One...

I made my return to golf tonight after a 3-month lay off when I popped along to the driving range at Aintree after work. I was looking forward to swinging the wrenches after such a long gap but as soon as I picked up a club I realized all was not well.

Going on the wise and sage advice from Golf Whine Monthly, I took a number of clubs to allow me to practice a variety of shots instead of just bombing little yellow balls up the range off the face of my driver. With that in mind I took my 3 wood, hybrid, 7 iron and 58* wedge – suitably varied methinks.

The thing I love about my 3 wood is that it has a stiff shaft and is a lot more consistent than my driver. Unfortunately the only thing consistent about my performance with the 3 wood today was its inconsistency (isn’t that a shit cliché? I feel ashamed.)

For every good shot I dragged out of my Mizuno F-60 (left) there were two or three that veered violently towards the fence to the right confirming that my battle with the newbie slice was far from over in fact you could say I was losing the war – badly.

It was a similar story with my hybrid. I did my research before buying the Mizuno MX Fli-Hi, all the reviewers creamed over the clubs forgiveness and performance. I must have a warped one as I struggle to get the thing to do anything remotely useful.

It wasn’t all doom and gloom though, my 7 iron worked beautifully. Going back to the reviews, the word often used when describing the feel of the clubs is ‘buttery’ and I now know what they mean. Catch the ball just right and it glides through the air effortlessly.

I finished the session with a few chip shots, simulating the little approach shots from around 50 yards. The 58* wedge wasn’t perfect for this as it launched the ball higher than the distance it travelled down the range. The ball flew delightfully into the air before coming down covered in snow and landing a few feet away.

I trudged out of the driving range and slumped in my car, I was knackered, frustrated and annoyed. Despite all the practice I had put in over the last 18 months it seems that the 12 weeks lay off has done for me. I’m now back to square one. Maybe it is time for some professional help…

173 - A Win/Win...

Check me out; I’m a big winner!!! I buy a fair bit of stuff from onlinegolf.co.uk and they have a monthly competition where you can submit a review from one of your purchases and if it is good enough you win £100 in vouchers for their site. I submitted a review and it was good enough!

I wrote on here recently about the excellent Oakley Squares sunglasses that look great and work superbly. That article was pretty much the review I sent in to onlinegolf, which as it turns out, they loved. Kerching! I’m a ton up boys and girls.

I write on this blog all the time but it never actually occurred to me that my fevered rantings could make any money (or vouchers in this case). Never the less I’m now reaping the rewards of my literary ability (either that or it was a slow review month at onlinegolf.co.uk).

So, I’ve now got a 100 nuggets burning a hole in my pocket, well actually I haven’t, I’ve spent them already! You know me, I’m a sucker for shiny, new things so I was straight onto the website, perusing all the lovely, lovely gear they had to offer.

What would it be? A Ralph Lauren polo shirt or two? How about some sexy Galvin Green waterproof goodness? Oooh, what about a bit of technological pornography in the shape of either a Bushnell range finder or a Garmin GPS system? With so much on offer I made the obvious choice, a trolley.

Now I know that a trolley doesn’t sound the most glamorous of purchases (especially when you hear it isn’t even electric) but it something that I really need. I could make do without another polo shirt or another waterproof and to me using rangefinders or a GPS system is simply cheating. No, a trolley it is.

As we speak there is a fabulous Sun Mountain Micro Golf Cart (above) winging its way to me. This little four-wheeled beast is, according to the reviews, fantastic so I took the plunge and ordered it. Expect a full review once I get my sweaty little paws on it.

172 - An Unfortunate Sight...

I mentioned in a previous post that I now have a beautiful Kangaroo from Daphne’s adorning my Mizuno driver. My lovely, lovely fiancée highlighted the fact that if the cover isn’t turned the right way the cute image is completely shattered (below)!!!

171 - The Best A Man Can Get...

Tiger Woods is so important to golf, golf magazines, golf blogs and golf sponsors that the fact he has decided to grow a little goatee beard (below) is now news apparently. Is this how far we have sunk, chattering like housewives because he decided to sport some facial hair for the WGC Bridgestone Invitational at the Firestone CC?

I get irony, I realise that by talking about this subject not only am I continuing the cycle but I’m actively promoting the debate but come on, how is some hair on Eldrick’s chinney, chin chin news worthy? Apparently it is, apparently it is almost a big deal.

I hope that this beard is a not so subtle F.U. to Gillette who decided to “limit Woods’ role in marketing” when his extramarital manoeuvres with a gaggle of women made it into the public domain. I hope he is showing Gillette that he is limiting his use of their products by not shaving his chin!

Now that he is damaged goods why not annoy more sponsors and make a few bob? Tag Heuer are one of his main supporters but why not be filmed smashing up an Aquaracer before signing a deal with James Bond’s watchmaker of choice, Omega? Who knows, they might knock him up one with a laser range finder in it or something.

EA’s Tiger Woods games are, quite simply, fantastic but that doesn’t mean there isn’t scope for change. Why not get a load of EA produced discs and smash them off a tee in front of the world’s media then sign a deal with Nintendo to get Shigeru Miyamoto (Donkey Kong, Mario, Zelda etc) to produce a fresh, new, cartoony, puzzle laden version of the game.

Tiger’s most prominent sponsor is Nike and the partnership has been very successful but maybe it is time for a change. In the current climate I have absolutely no doubt that TaylorMade-Adidas Golf would be first to snap Woods up, shackling him to a deal so comprehensive that the 34-year-old would be contractually obliged to get three stripes tattooed down his arms.

Back in the real world we all know that there is absolutely no chance of anything like that happening. Woods will continue to smile at all the right events, wear all the right clothing and use all the right equipment. If the goatee is a tiny rebellion then the great man has gone up in my estimation but chances are he just fancied a change.

170 - Recline In Style...

So I am the proud owner of a pair of expensive Oakley sunglasses. They are sexy, designer wrap around shades that work brilliantly and look the absolute dogs danglies. I bought them to be used exclusively on the golf course but now I’m having second thoughts.

You see, because they are so nice and sexy and expensive I’m terrified that they will get damaged or lost as I hack my way around the local municipals which kind of defeats the point in me getting them I suppose. It also means that I’m still blinded by the sun whenever it bothers to peak from behind a cloud.

I needed a back up plan. Ideally I wanted a pair of cheap, good looking, designer shades that work as well as the Oakley’s but cost a fraction of the price so that I wouldn’t be heartbroken should they get crushed in my bag or left near the 15th green. Step forward the Sundog Recline’s.

Sundog, while being a big name in the sunglasses world, aren’t quite the giants that Oakley are, a fact reflected in the price of their products but certainly not the quality.

The company produces excellent eyewear for golf, cycling and baseball with a number of big name sport stars on board.

Golf stars Paula Creamer, Hunter Mahan (recent winner of the Bridgestone Invitational at Firestone Country Cluband) and Mike Weir have long running deals with the company and all have their own range of designer eyewear. I’m not a big enough star to have my own range just yet so I have had to make do with a pair of off the shelf.

Maybe ‘make do’ isn’t the write thing to say as the Recline’s are superb. I’ll be honest, they are not as good as my Oakley’s but they were considerably cheaper, coming in at just £10 for a pair of well designed, well made shades. At that price the fear that they will be damaged or lost is all but eliminated too.

I was so impressed by the glasses that once I had worn them for a couple of hours I immediately bought a second pair in a different colour. I now have them both tucked safely in my golf bag should the sun finally make an appearance this summer.

169 - Completely Owned...

It is a sad day for cool golf boys and girls. International bright young thing and golfing heartthrob Camilo Villegas is leaving Cobra Golf and joining TaylorMade-Adidas Golf (TMaG). I know, I know, I’m in bits too, I'm a man on the verge.

Puma recently announced that they had purchased Cobra Golf as part of their commitment to strengthening their growing and successful golf business and I was I was looking forward to seeing the combination of the two brands being strutted up the fairways by Camilo.

But my hopes have now been dashed as the three-time winner on the PGA Tour has signed an exclusive deal with TMaG that will see the Columbian completely decked out by his new sponsors from top to bottom.

It has been reported that this years The Honda Classic winner will play TaylorMade clubs, a TaylorMade ball, wear TaylorMade headwear, wear a TaylorMade glove, use a TaylorMade staff bag and wear Adidas Golf footwear. That is as close to being owned by a company as you can get I guess.

Mark King (not the bass player from Level 42 but the president and CEO of TMaG) said: "Camilo is a winner, a gentleman, and a fan favourite. Cameras tend to find him because he has presence and magnetism that's impressive and rare.”

‘Spiderman’ will join other TaylorMade Tour Staff including Darren Clarke, Sergio Garcia, Retief Goosen, Dustin Johnson, Martin Kaymer and Justin Rose. The deal is seen as a bit of a coup for TMaG as the 28-year-old is one of the most recognizable and cool players on the PGA Tour right now.

I’m genuinely a bit gutted that that one of the most charismatic players on the Tour has declined the chance of working with one of the more innovative and interesting golf manufacturers. I’m a fan of Adidas Golf too though so there could be some Villegas inspired goodness making its way into my wardrobe I suppose.

168 - Quote/Unquote...

Sammy Davis Jr. hits the ball 130 yards and his jewellery goes 150. - Bob Hope

(On refusing to use a long-handled putter) If I'm going to putt and miss, I want to look good doing it. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

(On John Daly's driving power) Man! I can't even point that far! - Gay Brewer

Handicap: a device for collective bargaining on the first tee. - Anon

If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on television. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - National Lampoon

(On being asked, before his final round, what he had to shoot to win the tournament) The rest of the field. - Roger Maltbie

Time can run backwards if there's a woman on the course. - Henry Beard

To be truthful, I think golfers are overpaid. It's unreal, and I have trouble dealing with the guilt sometimes. - Colin Montgomerie

Some of these legends have been around golf a long time. When they mention a good grip, they're talking about their dentures. - Bob Hope

The more I practice, the luckier I get. - Gary Player

167 - Cuddly Toy Impaling…

I’m turning into that which I despise. I’ve gone out and bought myself one of those novelty driver head covers. I feel a twat to be honest, not because I’ve bought a cuddly toy I intend to shove my 460cc Mizuno driver up but because I like it (the cover not the stuffed animal bestiality you understand).

Now I know that a lot of the pros have cute animal head covers, most notably Tiger Woods, but it just doesn’t seem right when I see muni-hackers with a brightly coloured parrot in their bag, impaled by a Callaway Diablo driver. Despite this I couldn’t resist getting myself a cute-as-a-button Kangaroo.

My little logo (which I’m very proud of incidentally) is a blue kangaroo so I hit the Internet hard to see if there were any companies that produced kangaroo head covers in the correct hue – bit of a long shot but if you don’t check you’ll never know. Now I know, they don’t make them.

After some research I found that the number one company for creating novelty head covers is Daphne’s “Cover Your Driver Before It Knows What Hit It” – nice. They are responsible for the cute Tiger covering Eldrick’s Nike VR Tour Driver once he has stopped smashing it into the turf after another wayward shot.

I searched their site and found that they do indeed make a kangaroo! Unfortunately it is the wrong colour for me but they can do custom orders so my luck could still be in. I emailed them via their temperamental web form asking if I could order a slightly modified kangaroo and waited for their response.

There was good news and bad news in the sugar coated reply I received from Lori at Daphne’s. Yes they could knock out a little blue roo for me but as it was deemed to be a custom design there was a minimum order requirement of 500 units.

There are a couple of problems with ordering 500 blue kangaroo’s namely I don’t actually need 500 and at £7,500 it is a bit on the expensive side.

With the custom order option removed I went for a regular kangaroo from Daphne’s, magnificent in it’s brown and creamness (above). I’m now officially a part of twatdom where muni-hackers wander around with stuffed animals on their clubs and do you know what, I don’t give a shit.

166 - Ugly Betty...

Ping has decided to help us mere mortals with an all-new range of easy to hit, forgiving woods and clubs. The K Series is squarely aimed at the game improver end of the market, which is fine, but they have also sneaked out a new set of wedges and putters that is really giving me a lump in my shorts.

Lets start with the K Series first. The new set is typical Ping, well designed, beautifully made and ugly as sin. What is it with Ping designers; it is like they try to make their equipment deliberately unpleasant to look at. Dark metal club heads finished off with silver and maroon don’t do it for me at all.

The colour is continued across the family to the driver and fairway woods where it is a little more successful. The fact that the top of the woods is dark and miserable keeps the focus on the ball and not on the horrible looking club about to hit it.

If you like that colour combination then the Scottsdale Wolverine putter (left) might be right up your street.

I’m still not crazy about the charcoal/maroon scheme but the design is fantastic I reckon. I’m a sucker for this type of ultra forgiving, crazy looking putter.

Finally there is the new Tour-S wedge that is totally devoid of maroon in any way shape or form.

The club comes in chrome and what Ping toe-curlingly calls Rustique that thankfully looks a lot better than it sounds. It is one of those great wedges that rust over time to produce more spin.

Colour and design preference is a very personal thing and I don’t think Ping have got it right with the K Series kit but you know the performance will be spot on. The company has a long history of knocking up some of the best equipment I just wish they would make their stuff a little prettier.

The new kit should be available now from all good retailers (and the rubbish ones too).

165 - Strike Two...

I wanted a shirt to help me stay cool and dry on the course (when I haul my carcass down there), look cool and dry on the course but I didn’t want something too obvious. With that in mind I bought myself a couple of Oakley Strike polo shirts.

Why the Oakley Strike I hear no-one scream? I’m glad you didn’t ask! The polo’s are made from clever materials; they are well designed and not only were they well priced but were available as part of a 2-for-1 offer at onlinegolf.co.uk. Seemed like a bit of a no brainer to me.

So how do they work? I’m glad you didn’t ask again! Well, the surface of the shirt is woven into a small hexagonal pattern and, according to the bumf, it is constructed from a material that is breathable and incorporates moisture wicking properties to help evaporate perspiration. Interesting.

Also, thanks to some clever technology, you remain odour free. I’ll believe that when I see it (or not smell it I suppose).

After every round I am sweating like a glass blowers arse so if this bit of kit can help me keep dry and fragrant I’ll be impressed – or I’ll be wearing an Always Ultra I suppose. Ahem…

The other thing I really like about these shirts, and Oakley shirts in general, is that they fit me properly. Oakley is an American company and I’m build like an American these days which is usually a pain when it come to buying clothing, but not with this firm.

These are all season shirts too. The polo’s are light enough to be worn over a base layer or under a jumper so they can be worn in autumn when it is freezing, winter when it is freezing, spring when it is freezing or summer when it is, erm, freezing. I like this versatility.

Choosing Oakley instead of the more obvious manufacturers is a subtle way of standing out but a more obvious way is to buy the shirt in Brilliant Blue like I did (above). The colour is so loud it will give you tinnitus at a range of half a mile, which is my favourite thing about the top.

164 - Quote/Unquote...

(Offering playing advice) Lay off for three weeks, and then quit for good. - Sam Snead

This is the 12th, the green is like a plateau with the top shaved off. - Renton Laidlaw

Gerald Ford - the most dangerous driver since Ben-Hur - has made golf a contact sport. There are 42 golf courses in the Palm Springs area and nobody knows which one Gerald Ford is playing until after he has teed off. It's not hard to find Gerald Ford on a golf course - just follow the wounded. - Bob Hope

Bob Hope says I have made golf a combat and contact sport. But I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators. - Gerald Ford

(After missing a very long putt) I was on the dance floor, but I couldn't hear the band. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. - Henry Beard

(On designing golf courses) Every hole should be a difficult par and a comfortable bogey. - Robert T. Jones

Pebble Beach is so exclusive even the Samaritans have an unlisted number. - Peter Dobereiner

When I tee the ball where I can see it, I can't hit it. And when I put it where I can hit it, I can't see it. - Jackie Gleason

A golf course manager is the keeper of lawn order. - Erica H. Stux

163 - From Florence With Love…

Watching the British Open recently I noticed that Robert Karlsson’s clothes had a big symbol on them but I couldn’t make it out. I assumed it was his own logo as a lot of the players have their own design to identify their brand but it turns out it is the mark of exclusive clothing designers, Conte of Florence.

Conte of Florence are well know on the continent but have kept under the radar in Britain which instantly makes me interested in them (I am a bit of a snob after all). The company produces clothing for skiing, sailing as well as golf, all with that typical Italian flair.

Their gear is on the expensive side but I guess you get what you pay for, in this case it is a designer Italian garment that is seldom seen on the courses of Britain - I would pay a little more for the exclusivity the brand provides.

Interestingly the company hosts a mini golf competition in Florence every December where sponsored players hit balls from the famous Ponte Vecchio bridge down onto floating greens in the Arno river.

There are only a few online stockists selling Conte of Florence clothing (other than a eBay seller in Lithuania with designs I cannot find anywhere else on the Internet – hmmm) so I think it is going to be difficult getting my grubby little hands on some of that sweet Italian fashion.

162 - National Treasure?

There is a new, multimillion-pound Golf and Country Club opening just 6 miles away that piqued my interest so Richie and me decided to check it out. The course in question is the North West National GC, expected to open this summer in Rainford near St. Helens.

According to the disappointing official website the venue will provide “the service you’d expect in America, the laid back attitude and the relaxed atmosphere of Spain or Portugal and the hospitality of the Irish”. That is all well and good but is the course worth playing?

Plans for the parkland course started in 2004 which has resulted in 22,000 trees being planted and the creation of 12 lakes and nature reserves on the 268 acre site. In addition to the course there is also a 9 hole, par 3 academy course, an 80 bay driving range and a swanky clubhouse.

On paper it all sounds impressive but the reality is, as we found when we visited, a little different.

The course, although open to some, seems some way from being 100% with the fairways and greens needing to bed in (according to Richie’s trained eye), the 9 hole course is very basic, the driving range is uninspiring and the clubhouse is a building site (right).

To be fair, the facility isn’t actually complete so it is a little harsh to dismiss it right now. Once the plans are made into reality the NWN will be a very good venue providing a championship course, a dedicated short course, a Nevada Bob’s golf shop on site and expert tuition from the Glenn Turner Golf School.

At present there is a special introductory offer that will let you become a founder member of the club for just £1,000. Just a grand, doesn’t sound too cheap really but they apparently give the option of providing £500 up front with the remaining balance being paid over the next 12 months.

So for £85 a month I could be a member of an exclusive golf club with state of the art training facilities and fantastic club house that is just 10 minutes away from home. Play a couple of times a week and it works out that I would get all the exclusivity and pomp for the price of playing the local municipal.

161 - Won't Go Blind...

I love playing in the sun but I’m not a fan of being blinded by it. To save my retinas I decided to invest in a pair of decent sunglasses, which inevitably meant looking to one of the best names in the business, Oakley. If you are going to do it do it properly eh?

I went for a pair of Oakley Fives Squared (below) but was wary of buying expensive eyewear as sunglasses are just sunglasses right? Wrong. The difference between the Fives Squared and my old glasses from NEXT was like chalk and cheese.

Oakley has a long tradition of designing and producing exceptional eyewear and this heritage can be felt in the relatively modestly priced Fives Squared. The Oakley’s seem to fit better than the fashion glasses as they wrap around my face as opposed to sitting on my nose.

But the design isn’t the best part of the glasses, that honour goes to the lenses which block out the harmful, distracting rays providing a brilliant view of the course ahead. Taking them off after wearing them for a while left me dazzled for a couple of seconds, a tribute to the quality of the optics.

The only minor niggle I have with the glasses is the feel of the materials, they seem more plastic than premium but I guess there has to be a compromise somewhere at this price.

Oakley produces a lot of different styles of glasses but what drew me to the Fives Squared was the fact that they look the part both on and off the course. In my opinion some of the more focused designs make the wearer look like a Tour de France competitor missing a bike!

So am I happy with the Oakley’s? Definitely, they work perfectly and are cool enough to wear every day. They also have the smug factor about them that appeals to the anti-snob in me who likes to rub the establishment up the wrong way – always a good thing in my book!

160 - The New Silver...

It seems that white is the new silver when it comes to putters. TaylorMade have produced a new family of ‘Ghost’ putters that are earning rave reviews in the golfing press and are being used to great effect by the tour pros, most noticeably Graeme McDowell and Justin Rose.

McDowell used the new putter to help him win both the Welsh Open at Celtic Manor and the US Open at Pebble Beach recently with Rose picking up his first PGA Tour win at the Memorial Tournament, which took place at the Muirfield Village Golf Club, Dublin, Ohio, USA.

The Rossa Corza Ghost (to give it its full name) is a stunning thing to behold, from its glorious white finish to its three alignment lines and innovative hole in the head it certainly stands out. Rumour is that TaylorMade have plans to extend the range to produce a Ghost for every player.

One player who obviously likes the idea of a white putter if not the design of the Corza Ghost is Sergio Garcia (right) who has had his usual putter ‘blancoed’.

The Ryder Cup star was spotted at the US Open using a white blade putter sparking rumours that TaylorMade were about to release a white Anser type wand.

According to the manufacturer that isn’t really the case. Garcia, as a TaylorMade/Adidas staff player, asked for a specially produced white version of his normal Rossa Daytona putter and the company duly obliged.

Golf Whine Monthly reviewed the Corza Ghost as part of a 42 club round up and it received a Gold Award, finishing third in the mallet section behind another of the company’s putters, the child scaringly ugly Spider Vicino and the pretty Nike Method 003 (incidentally, the TaylorMade Daytona favoured by Garcia was runner up in the blade review).

The reviewers were impressed by TMaG’s “outside the box” thinking when it came to design and who can argue? Both the Corza and the Spider Vicino are stunning looking creations that work in the real world which is what a lot of us want.

159 - Quote/Unquote...

Arnold Palmer is the biggest crowd-pleaser since the invention of the portable sanitary facility. - Bob Hope

When John Daly hits an iron he takes a cubic yard of Kent as well. His divots go further than my drives. - David Feherty

A triple bogey is three strokes more than par, four strokes more than par is a quadruple bogey, five more than par is a quintuple, six is a sextuple, seven is a throwuple, eight is a blowuple, and nine is a ohshutuple. - Henry Beard

Golf and masturbation have at least one thing in common. Both are a lot more satisfying to do than they are to watch. - Anon

The only thing gonna stick around that hole (14th at Pebble Beach) is a dart! Yesterday I was on in three, off in four. They oughta put one of them miniature windmills on this thing and charge 50 cents to play it. - Lee Trevino

Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. - P. G. Wodehouse

Trousers are now allowed to be worn by ladies on the course. But they must be removed before entering the clubhouse. - Sign at an Irish golf club

(After hitting two balls into the water) By God, I've got a good mind to jump in and make it four. - Simon Hobday

Hit the ball hard and straight and not too often. - Anon

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. - Tiger Woods

158 - I Don't Get It...

I like it, I just don't get it.

157 - Under The Weather...

A couple of days ago I was bemoaning the fact that I couldn’t go out and play golf in the glorious weather due to having hay fever. A quick look outside tells me that it is now just hay fever keeping me indoors as the decent weather has now well and truly disappeared. Ah well, summer was good this year, all two weeks of it.

The local media was in uproar as United Utilities imposed a hosepipe ban on the North West of England. The company blamed the lowest rainfall in 50 years for the ban claiming that the reservoirs that service this part of the country were now at 50% capacity and without significant rain we could be on the verge of a drought.

No sooner had they banned watering your rhodendrums than the weather turned and certainly not for the better. In the last two weeks we have rain broken up by drizzle followed by more rain. Ideal conditions if you happen to be a duck, rotten for the rest of us.

A spokesman for United Utilities was dragged onto the TV ironically in the middle of a downpour to explain why the ban was in place.

He was asked what he was going to do about it (save flying over some Native American’s to perform a rain dance and imposing a hosepipe ban I’m not sure what else he could do).

It seems we have got enough water but if we keep squirting it over our hyacinths there is a chance we could run out despite living in a part of the country renowned for its rain. Even with a Burkina Faso-like rainy season lasting a couple of months the ban will be in place for the foreseeable future.

I should welcome this brief change of weather with open arms. The local courses will get a good soaking which will help soften up the fairways and greens, the rain will get them back to looking their best and the smug bastards who can play in the afternoons while the rest of us are at the coalface will get routinely drenched!

Maybe suffering with hay fever now isn’t necessarily the worst thing in the world. By the time the plants have stopped spewing pollen into the air the weather should have changed again leaving me to reap the rewards of all of Mother Nature’s (and the groundskeeper’s) hard work.

156 - Scotty Too Hotty…

So after a promising start with his new Nike Method 001 putter Tiger Woods ditched it for his final round at the British Open and went back to his “irreplaceable” Scott Cameron Newport 2. It looks like the Method isn’t the answer after all.

Woods used the Method 32 times on Thursday and 32 times on Friday. The figure rose to 35 on Saturday, which prompted the world number one to go back to the putter that has won him 14 majors and around $90m over the years although it didn’t quite work out this time.

Woods said: "The greens are a little bit faster than they were the first day, I just didn't feel comfortable with my speed, so I went back to my old putter."

Despite only playing 27 putting strokes on the final round with the Newport 2, the three time Open winner finished the day with an even par 72.

This left him at 3-under for the tournament, tied for 23rd, 13 strokes behind Louis Oosthuizen and he was under no illusion what part of his game let him down.

"I drove it great all week, hit my irons pretty good, and I did not putt well except for the first day," said Woods. "I believe I had nine three-putts for the week, so consequently, I'm pretty far down the board."

I guess that is the end for the Method then? The 001 was supposed to give him the edge on slower greens but it never appeared he was more effective with his Scotty Cameron.

I’m not sure what Nike will make of this decision, as they were no doubt hoping to sell thousands of putters to fanboys desperate to look like Woods on courses all over the world but with him ditching their flat stick they are going to lose an awful lot of potential revenue.

155 - Louis The 16th…

All hail Louis the sixteenth! Actually he is Louis Oosthuizen and he finished sixteen under but that doesn’t sound as good, does it? The little known South African came to St Andrews and blew the rest of the field away with a fine display over the four days.

Oosthuizen shot rounds of 65, 67, 69 and 71 to take the title finishing 7 shots ahead of Lee Westwood in second. He got lucky on the second day when he got a good round in before the weather turned forcing the tournament to be suspended for a short time.

2010 Andalucia Open champion kept his nerve on the final round to ease to a drama free victory “It was unbelievable, said Oosthuizen. “After the 12th it became a bit difficult, having such a big lead, to stay calm and focused, but I’m glad I had an eight-shot lead on the 17th tee!

“I kept cool and calm the whole way but it's probably going to hit me tomorrow or next week what I’ve done.”

The contest was effectively over when the 27-year-old rolled in a 40-foot putt for an eagle on the par four 9th, just as playing partner Paul Casey was starting to apply some pressure.

Before his victory at St Andrews, Oosthuizen had struggled in his previous outings in the Open; in fact he had not made the cut in his last three attempts.

Oosthuizen is the latest South African major champions following Bobby Locke, who won at St Andrews in 1957, Gary Player, who won three Opens in three different decades, three-time major winner Ernie Els, double US Open champion Retief Goosen and 2008 Masters victor Trevor Immelman.

154 - Ship Ahoy!

How to ruin a golf tournament in one easy step: invite American’s to spectate. Over four days fans respectfully observed the British Open, appreciative of the difficulties facing the professionals as they battled the Old Course at St Andrews. Then the yanks pipe up.

Polite clapping is replaced by the moronic battle cry of ‘in the hole’ when Tiger Woods tees off at the 12th even though the pin is 350 yards away and he is hitting into a 30mph wind. Camilio Villegas’s tee shot was sent on its way with ‘Lets go gators’, bellowed by some dolt from across the pond.

I was so sick to death of hearing moronic screams from American’s every time Woods hit the ball that I ended up muting the TV. The over the top shouts and yelps almost ruined the whole tournament for me.

I was thrilled to see the challenge from Woods fade on the last day, not because I didn’t want the great man to be battling it out to win his third Open at St Andrews, but because I knew the coverage would be focussed elsewhere on the course away from the boorish masses from the other side of the Atlantic.

In contrast to the fans, the American players were polite and respectful throughout the tournament; even the joy vacuum that is Eldrick was humble when he was getting interviewed. Tom Watson was the consummate gentleman as ever; he is an absolute credit to the sport and his country.

The BBC cornered Stewart Cink, Ricky Barnes, John Daly, Rickie Fowler, Mark Calcavecchia and Phil Mickelson over the weekend and all expressed their honor at taking part in a special event at a special venue, they talked about how privileged they felt to be playing there. If only the fans were so restrained.

I’m all for fans cheering on their hero or compatriot but I think it should be done with a degree of respect and humility, something completely missing from the loud mouthed minority that felt the need to howl whenever an American touched the ball at St Andrews.

153 - Quote/Unquote...

I'm interested in the modern, not the Ancient. There's nothing wrong with the St Andrews course that 100 bulldozers couldn't put right. The Old Course needs a dry clean and a press. - Ed Furgol

If I had my way the social status of professional golfers would be one notch below that of Nazi war criminals. - Andy Lyons, Melody Maker

Soccer is a simple-minded game for simple people; golf is merely an expensive way of leaving home. - Michael Parkinson

A golf player is someone who can drive 70 miles an hour in heavy traffic with perfect ease; but blows up on a two-foot putt if somebody coughs. - Anon

St Andrews 13th (Hole o' Cross Coming Home) - It's a great golf hole. It gives you a million options, not one of them worth a damn. - Tom Kite

Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom. - Michael Green

Gimme: an agreement between two losers who can't putt. - Jim Bishop

I'm having putting troubles. It's not the putter, it's the puttee. - Frank Beard

When a golfer these days misses a 40-foot putt, he grimaces and agonises like a cowboy struck in the heart by an Indian arrow. - Ben Hogan

St Andrews 17th (The Road Hole) - The reason the Road Hole is the greatest par four in the world is because it's a par five. - Ben Crenshaw

152 - Method From The Madness...

Massive news in the golf world; Tiger Woods has changed his putter! I know, I know, earth-shattering stuff! Ahem. Ok, so it isn’t the most serious thing in the world but with new sales estimated to be in excess of £28m because Woods has switched allegiances, it is definitely serious to the big manufacturers.

Woods has used a Scotty Cameron wand since 1999, describing it as being “irreplaceable”. In that time he won an amazing 72 titles but since returning to the game after his extra marital manoeuvres came to light he has really struggled on the green. Suddenly “irreplaceable” means “scapegoat”.

The world number one has a lucrative sponsorship deal with Nike that has helped him become the first billionaire sportsman so it is no surprise that the putter he has gone for is the Nike Method 001. Actually, the move to the Method is down to the slower greens of St Andrews apparently.

Woods said: “I’ve always struggled on slower greens. This putter does come off faster with the new groove technology. It rolls the ball better, and rolls it faster.”

The putter (left) has wins under its belt already with Lucas Glover using it when he won in the US Open at the Black Course of Bethpage in 2009.

Stewart Cink stroked his way to victory with it too at Turnberry last year to win the British Open. The most successful player using the new blade is Paul Casey who has won three PGA Tour titles after switching and raves about the Method.

“I fell in love with this putter the first time I used it,” said Casey. “You can really feel the difference in how the ball comes off the face and see the difference in how it rolls. It has really helped my confidence.”

So will the 001 be the missing piece of the puzzle for Woods or is it the act of a desperate man trying to claw his way back to some sort of form? We will see this weekend when the putter makes its first appearance in Eldrick’s bag at St Andrews.

151 - Parkland Perfection...

Loch Lomond was the setting for the Scottish Open last weekend and what a setting? Anyone who has spent time in that part of the world will tell you just how beautiful it is and the Loch Lomond Golf Club looked magnificent, even in the occasional squall that raced across the course.

From the pristine fairways to the challenging greens the course was inviting the players to attack it while the magnificent parkland setting in the shadow of the Scottish Highlands was an absolute dream for the BBC production team covering the event. From just about any angle the place looked perfect.

The hardy crowds watched politely and respectfully as the players battled the against the changing weather conditions in what turned out to be an intriguing tournament. The course played differently each day as the wind changed direction making every hole a new challenge.

There were oohs and ahhs as Darren Clarke and Edoardo Mollinari jousted for the lead as the likes of Phil Mickelson, Ernie Els and YE Yang fell by the wayside, unable to cope with the challenge LLGC provided – not the ideal preparation they no doubt hoped for ahead of the British Open at St Andrews.

Eventually Mollinari took the title with a three shot lead over likable Clarke who can take some comfort in knowing his performance earned him a place at the British Open this weekend.

Although golf originally started with links courses I much prefer parkland and LLGC is one of the very best out there, to me it is an example of my perfect golf course. Tree lined fairways hugging the shores of a loch with deep bunkers protecting the greens and rough that is actually rough.

If I had a decent lottery win I would scour Scotland for a large piece of loch side real estate (preferably with an imposing Georgian manor house in situ) and draft in a designer who can create my own piece of perfection. It may need to be a Euro Lottery win come to think of it.

150 - Logo-A-Go Go...

Watching the Scottish Open I noticed how pro golfers are slowly but surely turning into Formula 1 cars. No, I don’t mean they are at the cutting edge of aerodynamics – a look at Darren Clarke and John Daley will confirm that – I’m talking about the way they are covered in sponsorship logos.

I read a while back that the fantastically fashion conscious Ian Poulter was told he could not participate in a competition wearing his Arsenal shirt because the O2 logo on the front of the football shirt was too big yet it seems perfectly acceptable to wear a shirt shot gunned with adverts.

The camera focused on Ross Fisher at Loch Lomond and I was taken by just how many brands he was wearing. He had Al Naboodah and Genworth Financial on the front of his shirt, Under Armour on the sleeves and Titleist, Pro V1 and the Footjoy FJ logo on his cap.

Normally I’d be appalled at this blatant commercialism but I think I can have a little fun with it. I might get some unofficial sponsorship deals in place before the end of the summer.

Who needs a behemoth of construction and investment like Al Naboodah when you can get local takeaway joint Jackymundos (where quality comes first) (left)?

Who needs a banking giant like Genworth Financial when you can have Liverpool’s very own Davy Liver Cabs (708-7080, if you need a cab just let us know, call Davy Liver cabs)?

I can almost see the sneers turning to anger when the Pringle brigade sees my Adidas Climacool shirt resplendent with Bimbo The Magic Clown (an entertainer with a difference) and a Dial A Drink logo (free nibbles with every order over £25).

I did some searching on the Internet and getting a logo on a branded shirt (Adidas, Nike or Glenmuir) will cost less than £5 which will be a bargain if it gets up the noses of the people who take the game much too seriously. I can also get fleeces, waterproofs, hats and umbrellas to completely look the part!

149 - Spores Not Scores...

There is a lot to like about this time of year; beautiful weather, immaculate courses, yet I’m not playing – hay fever is a cruddy little condition to have. While everyone else is out there whacking TaylorMade Penta’s up and down the fairway I’m stuck indoors with a nose that drips like a leaky tap.

I’m aching to get out there and play, I’m desperate to practice, and I can’t wait to put the things I learned from Terry a few weeks ago into practice but at the moment I’m a slave to pollen. I’ve got eyes like Marty Feldman, a nose like Rudolf the Reindeer and lungs full of spores.

It feels like I haven’t picked up a club for months (even though it is more like a few weeks) and I’m definitely starting to miss it. I’ve cut down on obsessing over equipment and clothing to help stop the cravings but every now and then I find myself thinking about lugging my bats around a field.

The only positive thing from being trapped in the house is that the British Open starts soon meaning I can spend four days watching the best players in the world pounding around the home of golf in glorious high definition.

Oh yes, St. Andrews looking as good as it gets, waiting to crush dreams.

St Andrews is the world’s oldest golf course; they have been playing there for over 600 years. It isn’t the prettiest course on the planet but there is a real pull to the strip of links on the east coast of Scotland. Sam Snead once said: “Until you play it, St. Andrews looks like the sort of real estate you couldn't give away”.

Golf Whine Monthly ran a feature recently where normal players got a chance to play the course ahead of the Open to show just how testing it is. The players were lucky as the weather was good and they still posted rubbish scores, coming away from the course battered into submission.

It is one of my ambitions to play St Andrews but not while I have got jelly eyes and a nose full of snot. I’m more than happy to watch Tiger Woods et all show me how it is done from the safety of my couch.

148 - Fake Update...

In February I wrote about a guy called Gary Bellchambers who, along with a couple of other people, was responsible for the biggest counterfeiting scam ever uncovered on eBay. Bellchambers and his gang were responsible for over 96,000 golf related transactions through the auction site between June 2003 and March 2008.

The whole enterprise came to a halt after a pensioner reported Bellchambers to the Trading Standards Institute after not receiving a full refund for some tat he had tried to sell to her. The TSI then leapt into action and started Operation Augusta to try and catch Bellchambers and his cronies in the act.

The operation was a success and seven people were arrested. Bellchambers (below) was jailed for four years and three months with his bookkeeper Keith Thomas getting 16 months after they admitting conspiracy to sell or distribute fake goods. A third man, Roy Cottee received 12 months after being found guilty of the same charge with four others receiving suspended sentences.

Bill Adams, Havering Council principle trading standards officer, said: "We are pleased that this gang have got what they deserved.

They made millions of pounds from their operation, selling tens of thousands of fake clubs to people all over the world. Each customer was ripped off by up to £100 per club.

"I've been an investigator for 35 years and never heard of such a massive counterfeiting operation - it was of a scale that has never been seen before."

As I said when I first posted about this, I had a picture of a Del Boy Trotter character, a lovable rogue selling hooky gear from a shed but the truth of the matter is that Bellchambers and his team brought more than six tons of golf equipment into the United Kingdom from Asia before selling it for a massive profit.

Here is another thing, because they have brought so much second rate rubbish into the country it is almost certain that there will still be an awful lot of it doing the rounds on eBay. Keep that in mind the next time you see that ‘too good to miss’ Odyssey Two-Ball putter or TaylorMade R7 driver.

147 - Going It Alone...

After discovering that Mizuno have been developing golf balls behind my back (naughty Mizuno) I decided to see what else they had been up to in the Land of the Rising Sun. Interestingly they have been creating a new range of forged putters after ending their exclusive partnership with Bettinardi.

Over the last four years Mizuno and Bettinardi have worked closely to produce some of the best precision milled putters on the market but they decided last year to go their separate ways. The decision to split was amicable and Bettinardi have started releasing putters under their own name.

Without the experts at Bettinardi producing their wands, Mizuno returned to what they know best and have now created a range of forged putters.

The partnership with Bettinardi has convinced the Japanese company that a CNC milled face is ideal for producing feel and roll and the new putters are finished with a precision cut front edge.

The new line of putters goes under the MP name to signify they are part of the Mizuno Professional range. There are currently three models, the S101 that is a blade putter, the S102 which is an L type putter (above) and the S103 which is a center shafted small mallet.

As with most products created by Mizuno the new putters look amazing and I’ve got no doubt they will perform impeccably. It looks like there is life after Bettinardi after all.

146 - Only In Asia...

I’ve noticed that all the big manufacturers produce balls with the exception of the lovely Mizuno…or so I thought. I stumbled across an article announcing that Mizuno’s new Tour ball had already bagged its first win. I beg your pardon, what new Tour ball? Hang on, it sounds like there was an old Tour ball! Why wasn’t I made aware of this?

It seems those clever chaps in Japan have come up with a ball they hope to rival the likes of Titleist’s Pro V1. Mizuno’s new MP-801X ball is a four piece designed for cack handed clowns like myself and tour pros alike thanks to the clever technology integrated into it.

A Mizuno spokesperson said: "In September, Mizuno released its second generation Tour Ball, the first to use the MP or Mizuno Pro pre-fix. Two models have been released - the MP 801 and the MP 801x both with a focus on soft feel, distance off the tee and maximum spin control around the green.

"The MP 801 ball has a soft impact, high resistance cross-ribbed inner core (1) matched with an additional soft high resistance Outer core (2).

The Inner cover (3) is made of soft Ionoma to help control the shape or deformation of the core at driver impact and create the proper amount of spin. The Outer cover (4) is a newly developed rubber elastomer that helps regulate spin and deliver soft feel.

"The MP 801 is the softer of the two tour balls and is aimed at players with a 90+mph swing speed demanding soft feel and spin on their approach shots. The outer cover of the firmer MP 801x ball is a newly developed rubber elastomer that claims to reduce energy loss for those with higher swing speed (98+mph) and faster tempo."

The balls are only available in Asia and Mizuno has admitted there are no plans to sell them in the rest of the world as there are legal and patent issues that have been clarified first (we don’t want another Titleist/Callaway situation now do we children?) I hope that Mizuno pull their fingers out as if their balls are anywhere near as good as their clubs I think they could be on to a winner.

145 - Quote/Unquote...

If there's a faster way to turn a Jekyll into a Hyde than by handing a man the driver, we don't know of it. - Lew Rushman

Water creates a neurosis in golfers. The very thought of this harmless fluid robs them of their normal powers of rational thought, turns their legs to jelly, and produces a palsy of the upper limbs. - Peter Dobereiner

Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet. - Tommy Bolt

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. - Bob Hope

A Lorena Bobbitt: a nasty slice. - Gary McCord

Lee Trevino is the only man I know who talks on his backswing. - Charley McClendon

The Coarse Golfer is one who shouts 'Fore!' when he putts. - Michael Green

Until you play it, St Andrews looks like the sort of real estate you couldn't give away. - Sam Snead

The only time I talk on a golf course is to my caddie. And then only to complain when he gives me the wrong club. - Seve Ballesteros

(After her tee shot bounced off a tree and nestled in her bra) I'll take a two-shot penalty, but I'll be damned if I'm going to play the ball where it lies. - Elaine Johnson

144 - Belt Up...

As the strange bloke from Bangkok who reads this little blog will tell you, I’m a bit of a snob when it comes to my golf gear but not in the way you might be thinking. I like playing golf but don’t necessarily like looking like the archetypical golfer; I start to physically heave if I see argyle for example. I try to pull off the ‘smart/casual’ look but with little success.

In the pursuit of fairway cool I have found myself looking at the poncy Golf Punk/Bunkered/Trendy Golf type websites scanning the latest and greatest from the catwalks of Paris, Milan and erm St Andrews to help me stand out from the crowd. Presently the only thing that makes me stand out from the crowd is the ferocity and variety of swear words I employ when I have a club in my hand.

While checking out this seasons must haves for skinny male models who have never swung a wrench in their lives I noticed a fascinating trend; it seems that no outfit can be complete without a white belt. I therefore need a white belt. To be honest I needed a white belt as I went out and bought one much to the amusement of my fiancée who thought the whole thing was hilarious.

Now, I wasn’t brave enough to buy a ‘bang on trend’ J Lindeberg belt so I settled for a snazzy Adidas number.

It is one of those webbing type belts that are thankfully one size fits all as I’m not a skinny male model who has never swung a wrench in my life, far from it as a matter of fact. Just to be on the safe side I ordered a black one too which looks almost as good.

Once I had decided to buy a golf belt I did a bit of obsessing and found that the market for a piece of material for keeping your kecks up is massive. Almost every manufacturer produces a belt ranging from boring black leather to those that glow in the dark with massive, gem encrusted buckles for the golfer that absolutely, positively must look a twat.

I’m keeping my eye on this sector of the golf market as it genuinely intrigues me. I like the idea of standing out a little but I’m not sure about paying over £70 for a strap of plastic with a polished chrome logo from a Scandinavian clothing manufacturer that even some golfers haven’t heard of. “J Lindberg? Wasn’t that an airship that blew up in New York?”

Who knows, I might embrace the fashion completely and get me one of those custom made buckles with my little kangaroo on it made up from Swarovski crystals. Or maybe not...

143 - The White Putter For You?

I was watching the Welsh Open at Celtic Manor over the weekend (great golf and great result for Graeme McDowell) and noticed one of the Pro’s using what looked like a white putter. After a bit of digging I found club being used, and what a club it is.

It turns out that it is called the Corza Ghost (cool name) and is made by TaylorMade. The white finish has been used to help golfers aim the club easier and comes as a result of experiments TaylorMade did with Dr. Steven A. Hitzeman, a professor at the Indiana School of Optometry.

Dr. Hitzeman said: ”The white putter head stands out so clearly against its background because of the high contrast between white and green. That high contrast maximizes stimulation to the retina and highlights the head's shape and features. The contrast would be lower if the putter was black or grey.

“Many golfers use the leading edge of the putter as part of their alignment strategy, so this high contrast for the leading edge gives the golfer the best chance of squaring up the putter face at address.”

But the help doesn’t just end with the delightful hue chosen by the engineers and the good doctor, there are three black alignment lines on the top and a circular hole in the back giving multiple options when lining up a shot.

"You can focus on the topline to aim Ghost, or you can focus on the alignment lines to visually connect the circular hole and your ball to lock in your aim. The point is that you've got options, each one highly effective." said Bret Wahl, senior director of iron, wedge and putter development

If you are interested in this stunning looking piece of kit then hurry to your favourite online emporium and part with a reasonable £129. If this style isn’t quite to your liking then TaylorMade have announced that more Ghost models are scheduled to become available later in the year.

Sometimes the best ideas are the most simple and that is certainly so with the Corza Ghost. Take a mallet putter, make it white and suddenly it becomes easier to use. It’ll be interesting to see how many other manufactures suddenly come up with the revolutionary idea of painting their putters…

142 - Shots Of The Week - 2010 Crowne Plaza Invitational...

141 - Quote/Unquote...

The difference between a sand trap and water is the difference between a car crash and an airplane crash. You have a chance of recovering from a car crash. - Robert T. Jones

The nice things about these golf books is that they usually cancel each other out. One book tells you to keep your eye on the ball; the next says not to bother. Personally, in the crowd I play with, a better idea is to keep your eye on your partner. - Jim Murray

The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes. - Michael Green

On his proposed book titles - The first one is called How to Get the Most Distance out of Your Shanks and the other is How to Take the Correct Stance on Your Fourth Putt. - Lee Trevino

Of course, Nick Faldo is as neurotic as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, and pretty much no fun...you wouldn't want him for a brother-in-law, but he won the Ryder Cup. Total Sport

There is one thing in this world that is dumber than playing golf. That is watching someone else play golf. What do you actually get to see? Thirty-seven guys in polyester slacks squinting at the sun. Doesn't that set your blood racing? - Peter Andrews

I enjoy the 'oohs' and 'aahs' from the gallery when I hit my drives. But I'm getting pretty tired of the 'aaws' and 'uhhs' when I miss the putt. - John Daly

Seve Ballesteros goes after a golf course the way a lion goes after a zebra. - Jim Murray

When Bill Clinton played golf... he wore jogging shoes, and his shirt was hanging out over painter's pants. Golf needs Clinton like it needs a case of ringworm. - Rick Reilly

140 - What Have I Started...

The reader of this crappy little blog will know that over the last couple of weeks I’ve received some tuition on golf fundamentals from two mates Terry and Richie. Both of them have given me really useful tips and both were really impressed with me, and by me I mean my clubs.

In the first session with Terry he had a few shots with my Mizuno MP57’s and went all quiet before mumbling something along the lines of “these feel great” over and over again. He then had a few shots with my MP-R wedge and my F-60 3 wood and there were yet more mumbles from him.

Next I went to Kirkby Golf Course for a session in the bunker and around the green with Richie. I only took my MP-T wedge but it was enough to produce quiet utterances of pleasure from Richie as he attacked the pin from the sand and light rough surrounding the green.

The upshot is that both Terry and Richie are now the owners of new clubs!

Both of them were debating about getting new clubs but after a few balls with my Mizuno’s Terry was convinced he needed some new bats which in turn made Richie’s mind up.

Terry scoured the Internet and picked up a set of Mizuno MP62’s (right) for a ludicrously low price (less that £200 I think – not bad for a set that are going for £400 today) and Richie plumped for a set of MP57’s like mine for about the same price. Richie is now looking for a MP-T too now and a bag too!

Those two were already fans of Mizuno and both have vintage sets (that I think they are going to get on eBay as soon as possible) but now they have shiny new sets like mine. I’m worried about what we will look like if we all turn up to play at the same time.

Is there anything worse than seeing a group of beuts decked out in all the same gear on the tee? The three of us will look like we read a magazine and bought the latest fashion – actually we won’t, we will be using Mizuno not Nike…