120 - No Having Fun...

Don’t you just hate miserable, joyless, nitpicking sods that seem to have nothing better to do than ruin the fun for everyone? Now I know that it is necessary from time to time for the powers at be to step in to stop the great unwashed masses killing themselves with stupidity but when I read that a Canadian judge has banned the undeniably brilliant ‘Happy Gilmore swing’ my head nearly exploded.

Justice Arthur J. LeBlanc has ruled that swing made famous by Adam Sandler “breached the standard of care owed to other players on the course” after drunken Travis Hayter hit a playing partner during a pre-wedding round. “I’m convinced the Happy Gilmore shot would’ve been less controllable than a normal tee shot because it involved a run up continued Judge LeBlanc, “and because the defendant had been drinking through the day.”

In my opinion it is the ‘drinking through the day’ part that is the key. Of course the Happy Gilmore swing is more wild (for those who haven’t got a clue what I’m talking about it is a tee shot where the player takes a run up before smashing the ball down the fairway in one movement) but surely being rat arsed and messing about on the course with a gang of friends is going to cause more problems to more people.

How long is it before they ban players who have a horrendous slice or hook? If a new player (or completely awful one) cannot reasonably control where their Nike Juice ball is going to end up then surely they are ‘breaching the standard of care owed to other players on the course’? Going by the recent ruling, no new players will be able to play on a course before they have reined in their drives. Will there be golf driving tests in Canada now?

Thankfully this petty ruling doesn’t apply to the UK but it is only a matter of time before those joy-thieves at the Health and Safety Executive step in follow the lead set by Judge LeBlanc. Don’t be surprised if you see a Daily Mail campaign to stop the spread of this menace to the Royal and Ancient game of golf (they will probably blame the whole thing on immigrants too).

119 - Shake The Fake...

I was reading an article in Golf Whine Monthly recently about the biggest counterfeiting scam in eBay history which saw thousands of fake clubs sold for millions of pounds. Initially I had a picture of a Del Boy Trotter character, a lovable rogue selling hooky gear from a shed but then it dawned on me that I should be very angry at this modern day Fagin.

I, like a lot of you out there I suspect, buy a fair bit of my golfing paraphernalia via eBay as it often throws up the best price. I don’t mind that the gear doesn’t come with a full warranty, that there is virtually zero after sales and that there is a good chance the equipment isn’t brand new. What I do mind is being ripped off by being sent fake goods knocked up in an Asian factory for a few quid when I have paid for the genuine article.

A guy called Gary Bellchambers from Rainham in Essex set up a number of eBay accounts selling the likes of Odyssey Two-Ball putters, Cleveland irons and TaylorMade R7 drivers. He would buy the fake kit from China for as little as £3 before hawking it on eBay for up to £100 (which was still a bit cheaper than the shops but not too much). The pricing was very clever as it didn’t raise suspicion with the buyer for being too cheap yet still had that delicious smell of a genuine bargain.

Over five years his team was responsible for over 96,000 golf related transactions on eBay but it all come to a juddering halt in March 2008 after a little old lady complained to Trading Standards after she didn’t get a refund on a shoddy fake she had been sent.

Normally Bellchambers would refund customers instantly to stop them escalating the complaint but in this case he was out of the country and couldn’t respond.

Trading Standards launched ‘Operation Augusta’ and raided a number of homes seizing computers and 2,500 fake clubs. Computer forensics found emails between the team with detailed lists of which customer had bought what equipment, common complaints for returned goods and how flaws in the golf gear needed to be addressed to prevent the operation being caught out.

Bellchambers was charged with the rather catchy crime of ‘conspiracy to sell or distribute golf clubs and accessories bearing signs likely to be mistaken for registered trademarks contrary to Sec 1(1) of the Criminal Law Act 1977’ and is due to be sentenced any day now. If convicted he and his co-conspirators could face up to 10 years in prison.

Golf by its very nature drives us to strive for constant improvement. The big manufacturers play on this and are relentlessly producing equipment that promises to give us tiny advantages over our fellow hackers but with money tight we are all on the lookout for a bargain. Bellchambers and his crew exploited this situation and merrily ripped off thousands. Loveable rogue? Don’t make me laugh.

118 - Shots of the Week: Northern Trust Open 2010...

117 - Five Star...

I admit it; I’m a sucker for gadgets, technology and new developments in golf. Although I do tend to whine about the manufacturers attempts to make the game of golf easier, I always skip to the new product section of Golf Whine Monthly for a quick drool at the stuff I will never buy. Flicking through the magazines recently I stumbled across something I badly want which infuriated me at the same time.

It is no secret that the golf equipment manufacturers churn out stuff each year with the sole purpose of making themselves a few quid, good luck to them I say. Occasionally the powers at be fiddle with the rules slightly giving the companies an excuse to produce a new driver with a 460cc head or a wedge with v grooves for example, but sometimes the big corporations make stuff for the sake of making stuff it seems.

Modern golf balls are broadly broken up into two categories; two piece balls that are aimed at higher handicap players who put a premium on low cost and high life span of a ball and three piece balls that are aimed at lower handicap players who demand playability and flexibility from their ball (there are also a few four piece balls that are basically the same as their three piece brethren but cost more and erm, well that is it really as far as I can tell).

But what if a two piece ball isn’t enough for you? What if a three piece ball leaves you cold? What if a four piece ball sends waves of apathy coursing through the very fibre of your being? I’ll tell you what you need in that case, a five piece ball!!!

But what kind of deranged company would come up with a ball that has almost as many layers as an onion? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you TaylorMade.

The ‘number one name in drivers’ is hoping to challenge Titleist to become the ‘number one name in golf balls’ with the release of its Penta TP five piece ball (above). Sergio Garcia, Retief Goosen, Y.E. Yang, Justin Rose and Jason Day are all set to use it on tour this season but TaylorMade are confident that the ball will be a big hit because the multi layer technology makes it the ideal choice for every level of golfer.

So how does it work? Well the new hazard finding missile from TaylorMade has a core designed to promote high launch speeds and low spin for distance off the tee, an inner mantle which does something similar for long irons, a middle mantel to help promote a mid launch trajectory for mid irons, a outer mantel designed to stop the ball spinning back too much when using scoring irons and a cover designed to give ultimate control. Phew.

So what does all that mean? In theory TaylorMade have produced a ball for golfers of all ability that is effective at all ranges with all clubs. If it works in practice then the Penta TP could be the most significant development in golf ball design since Titleist unleashed the all conquering Pro V1 on the golfing world. Or it could be just another golf ball at the end of the day...

116 - Acceptable In The 80's...

Golf Whine Monthly ran a number of features about the range of new conforming wedges that have flooded the market since the USPGA banned the use of u grooves. Every manufacturer is bringing new kit out that is trying to stretch the rules as much as they possibly can yet the most popular wedge on the tour this year could be a 20 year old chipper from Ping. Intrigued?

To recap, u shaped grooves are wider and deeper than the v shaped type that professionals must use on their wedges now. The powers at be decided the professionals are receiving too much help allowing them to produce too much ball spin giving them too much control around the green. Apparently the change is designed to emphasize golfers' skill over technology. Hmmm...

Players being professionals are trying to get any advantage they can and it seems that Phil Mickelson has found a way to stick it to the man. There is a loophole that states that pre-1990 wedges – resplendent with the dirty, illegal u grooves – are exempt from the new cull in the US and can be used in competition. Queue ‘Lefty’ chipping with gay abandon at the recent at the Farmers Insurance Open in San Diego using a 20 year old Ping Eye 2.

It is fair to say that this didn’t go down well with Mickelson’s fellow professionals.

Lee Westwood and and American Scott McCarron were two players who spoke out against Mickelson's decision to use the club with McCarron labelling the former world number 2 a “cheat” – harsh words indeed.

McCarron has since apologised for his outburst but it is clear that use of the club is causing bad blood.

Mickelson has since said he would not use the club as a sign of respect to his fellow professionals, who rallied in support of him last season when his wife Amy was diagnosed with breast cancer. "I like and respect these players out here and when my wife and I were at one of our low points, the players came together and did one of the nicest things that could have been done to show support and it meant tons for me. Out of respect for them, I do not want to have an advantage over them, whether it's perceived or actual. My point's been made, I won't play it."

The American has now demanded that the USPGA close the loophole. "I have been very upset with the way the entire rule change has come about, and its total lack of transparency. This has got to change. To come out and change a rule like this that has a loophole... is ridiculous. It hurts the game and you cannot put the players in the position to interpret what the rule means. This should have been decided well before this came out. It put me and it put all players in a bad spot and it needs to be changed."

So after all the design, manufacture and testing work the club makers have gone through it is ironic that the best piece of equipment to use if you are a professional is a wedge from the 1980’s If you have an old Ping Eye 2 wedge in decent condition why not stick it on eBay where there is a chance to fleece a couple of hundred pounds out of one of the mega rich Tour Professionals hoping to get an edge.