74 - Ten Times Better...

So the 138th Open took place at Turnberry this year. For those that don’t know, the course is on the west cost of Scotland around 30 minutes drive south from Glasgow – easily reachable from Liverpool (I’ve lost count of the number of times I have driven to the ‘Second City of the Empire’, nice journey once you pass Carlisle) which got me thinking, could the likes of me play at this iconic course?

A quick look on the internet shows that, depending on what time of year it is, you can turn up with your tatty Hippo bag filled with mongrel clubs, some second chance Titleist’s and play for as little as £100. Initially, that sounds quite expensive considering it is just £10 to play the local municipal, so is Turnberry 10 times better than the local track? Well yes, I guess it is.

The blurb on the official site says “For those to whom golf is a religion, Turnberry is a cathedral” and they are probably right. The resort is one of those awe inspiring, magical places that you imagine should always be played at first light with a slight mist on the fairways. It is steeped in history and legend and is widely regarded as being one of the best links courses on the planet, being graced by some of the best players in the world.

Conversely, your average municipal is a series of shaved fields dumped on the outskirts of a town on a site that used to be a munitions factory in the 1940’s. The most famous person to ever head down those fairways was ‘Johno’ in a robbed Renault Clio Sport and he was more infamous than famous. He was on TV though - Crimewatch.

Hmmm, hard to separate the two isn’t it?

One of the great things about golf is that any Tom, Dick or Harry can play the same course as your Tiger’s, Padraig’s and Sergio’s. What other sport gives a complete novice a chance at playing one of the iconic venues of the sport? Fancy a kick about at Wembley? No chance. A quick rally at Wimbledon? I don’t think so. A spot of army golf at the venue for this years Open? Certainly! Give us your ton, the first tee is over there…

Playing the famous courses around Britain is one of my golfing ambitions (along with driving the ball straight and long). With a lot of practice, a few bob in my account and a bit of planning I can achieve this ambition, something I could never do in the likes of football, tennis, cricket or rugby. In the meantime I’m going to continue to hone my skills on the converted waste grounds that litter Merseyside.

73 - Chip Around The Clock...

I love wedges; I think they are some of the sexiest pieces of golf kit on the market right now. They are some of the most lovingly created tools in your bag (to me woods, hybrids and clubs can be exercises in engineering these days) yet wedges haven’t changed much in design over the years. Look at this years offering from Callaway and it won’t be a million miles from the wedge released 10 years ago and the one 10 years before that.

Technological advances in chippers seem to be cutting slightly different shaped grooves (which will soon be banned) or adding a swirling pattern to the face. None of this multi-composite materials malarkey, no lowering the centre of gravity, none of this increasing the MOI tomfoolery just a classic shape, good quality metals and plenty of that illusive feel the magazines talk about so much.

But a quick look at any online store will show there are so many different wedges out there and how come some stand out more than others? All the big manufactures produce a wedge to compliment their range and I’m sure they all perform admirably but there are a few clubs that seem to rank higher than others.

Titleist, TaylorMade, Callaway and Cleveland are renowned for their wedges as are my favourite manufacturer Mizuno. The Titleist Vokey is arguably the right now delivering tour standard spin and control with the rest of the field hot on it’s beautifully crafter heels. I came close to buying an Oil Can finished Vokey a few months ago but I had a bit of a run in with Acushnet – the parent company who own Titleist and FootJoy – so I boycotted them.

Instead I turned to Mizuno who, after a bit of research, are apparently famed for producing quality wedges that deliver bags of feel. Perfect for an international ball chipping legend like me! Ahem. I purchased three wedges via the internet saving myself around £160 on the RRP and, from my limited experience and testing, they are mint.

I’ve got two MP-R Series wedges and an MP-T Series. The difference between the R and the T is the shape. R stands for round and, as the name suggests, the face is bigger and slightly more rounded to give more flexibility and make it easier to hit better shots. The T stands for teardrop and it is a more traditional, classically shaped wedge.

The MP-R’s are 50* and 56* and are finished in Black-Ni (above)which gives the club a sort of gunmetal finish that is claimed to reduce glare when used on sunny day and makes the club look fantastic. The MP-T is 58* and has what Mizuno call Raw Haze finish (below). Basically it looks like it has started rusting straight out of the box (it will rust for real over time to increase spin) – it is stunning I reckon.

Both are gorgeous, both are useless to me at the moment as I can’t use them properly. This will change soon though as I’ve been onto Richie who has confirmed he will be happy to help me get my ‘A game’ on using a method he read where you break the chipping stoke into three zones with the average distances are calculated to help distance control. I like the sound of this; it arouses the engineer in me.

So how does it work? Each wedge is swung to a set distance which is equated to three times on a clock. Imagine that when the club is sat behind the ball it is at 6 o’clock (straight down on the clock face). The first swing sees the club is drawn back to 7 o’clock, the second 9 o’clock and the last one 11 o’clock to produce three levels of swing and therefore three different chip distances (still with me?)

The idea is that I focus on just three chips and then simply use a different wedge to produce different distance results. Once the distances are mapped with each wedge I should be able to predict roughly where the ball should go thus taking some of the guess work out of chipping.

Obviously there will be more to it than that as there are a lot of other variables like lie, weather, type of shot needed etc but having a pretty good idea of where the ball should land will be one less thing to worry about. That is the theory anyway; I’ll give you all an update of what happened once I attempted to put this into practice.

72 - The True Cack In Black...

The regular visitor to this site will know that rather than wait for the media to give me a hip nickname I decided to christen myself. I settled upon ‘The Cack in Black’ in honour of my ability and the hue of the attire I wear most of the time on the course. It is a fitting and catchy nickname that I was certain no-one else would use but watching Tiger Woods playing in The Open on Friday has made me wonder.

Anyone who saw Woods on the first two days of the tournament would have been amazed at the disjointed, petulant and sometimes frankly embarrassing display by the man who has been so good for so long. Since returning from his knee surgery he has looked a shadow of the player who dominated the sport for the last decade.

On Friday, dressed from top to toe in black (right), the most famous golfer on the planet did his best impression of this muni-hacker as he found the rough with unerring consistency.

He also screamed, slammed his clubs into ground and looked for all the world like he would rather be sat in the hotel playing the latest EA game bearing his name.

After a round where he missed a lot of fairways he managed to find the chauffer driven car waiting for him with ease and didn’t bother hang around to get confirmation that he had missed the cut at 5 over. It was a sad sight and left me a little disappointed, not only because I want to see the best players playing the best golf at the best courses but also because the great man is getting dangerously close to stealing my moniker.

I’m the original ‘Cack in Black’ and don’t take kindly to upstarts like Tiger Woods trying to muscle in on my action. Be warned Woods, my team of poorly trained, barely literate lawyers are ready to spring into action faster than one of your drives into the wilds of the Ayrshire countryside! You have been warned!!!

71 - First Monday Rant - Mobile Phones On The Course...

Why do people feel the need to bring mobile phones onto the golf course? There is the constant stopping, fidgeting in the bag or pocket to find the damn thing and checking if you have been sent any ‘hilarious’ jokes about the latest celebrity death. The constant stop-start is infuriatingly annoying and very bad mannered. In the past it has taken all my strength not to bury a 3 iron in someone’s head because of this behaviour.

Watching your partners fart about with their phone to check their texts on every tee is annoying but nowhere as bad as when they stop every five minutes to talk to their wife/girlfriend/pimp. This behaviour makes my blood boil, sees the red mist descend and threatens to bring out the latent serial killer tendencies that are buried deep within my walnut sized brain.

Every third shot they are yakking on their phone about some inane crap that could easily have waited until after the round, every third shot they are complaining about the other person breaking up because the signal is bad. The reason the signal is bad is because there are no phone masts on a course. The reason there are no masts is because you shouldn’t be using a sodding phone when playing golf!!!

Seriously, can you think of anything more annoying than weighing up your next shot, selecting the right club, lining it up, calculating how much power to use, starting your back swing then hearing a tinny version of ‘Poker Face’ by Lady Gaga squawking across the fairway from your mates pocket? I don’t want to hear the strangled vocals of that camel faced bint at the best of times but when I’m about to take a shot it is like a red rag to a bull.

Using a mobile phone on the golf course should be as frowned upon as much as it is when driving but the punishment should be more severe – castration for example. Too much? Ok, how about an 18 shot penalty and buying a round of drinks for everyone in the group? People would ensure they left their phone in the car if they ruled themselves out of winning any of the weekly medals with added bonus of a £20 bar bill after each round.

I’m not a good golfer by any stretch of the imagination so the last thing I need is any distraction robbing me of what little concentration I can muster. Mobile phones are not only an annoyance but the switch that can turn me from a reasonable human being into a cup of full strength, quadruple caffeinated, piping hot crazy.

70 - Here We Go Again...

Right, so what have I been up to over the last few months? Not a lot to be honest. I’ve been reading golf magazines, buying golf books, watching golf in glorious HD-o-vision and buying the odd product from the ever increasingly competitive online stores (I’m looking at you onlinegolf.co.uk). You may have noticed I haven’t actually mentioned playing golf, this wasn’t an accidental omission; I haven’t swung a wrench in months.

I’ve decided to make a conscious effort to return to the driving range to work on my basics, as I know I’ll be rustier than the face of a well-used Oil Can Vokey. One of the many magazines I obsess over had a three-part supplement set designed to help get your score down focussing on the fundamental elements of golf – things like ensuring you have the correct grip etc and I’m going to work through them methodically.

Once I learn how to actually hit a ball again with my driver and irons I’m getting on field with Terry and Richie and I’m going to learn how to chip properly (I find it difficult to practice chipping on the mats at the driving range – end up with my fillings coming out after each juddering impact). When I get a bit more comfortable with chipping I’m getting down to my local municipal and hitting the course hard. I know I have said this before but I’m determined to do it this time.

I want a new set of clubs but I’m not buying them until I can use the set I’ve got now. I have got the cash there, ready to splash and I might make the trip to the driving range at Fiddlers Ferry as the guy at the pro shop there offered me a decent deal on the clubs I was after the last time I spoke to him (January) so I might see what he can do for me now that the economy is on its knees and no-one is spending any money.

Last time he offered me a free wedge but I had already bought myself one, then he tried to tempt me with money off a gorgeous Bettinardi putter but I’ve since sorted myself out with one of those too (more news on this later) so he’ll have to think of something else out, a bag possibly?

Right, so that is my plan. I’m going to try to stick to it as I’ve got most of the gear but no idea. I desperately want to be better at this game but I don’t progress quickly enough which means I get disheartened and give up. I thought golf was supposed to be a relaxing sport; it just stresses me out most of the time!!!

69 - Quote/Unquote...

"One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said." - US Open TV Commentator

"You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work." - Lee Trevino

For most amateurs the best wood in the bag is the pencil. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

"The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music." - "Silk Stockings" TV Show

Golf combines two favourite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with sticks. - P. J. O'Rourke

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf will. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you can get so sore at yourself that you forget to hate you enemies. - Will Rogers, humorist (1879-1935)

Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with the big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her. - Val Doonican

The fun you get from golf is in direct ratio to the effort you don't put into it. - Bob Allen

Watching a golf tournament is different from attending other sports arenas. For one thing, the drunks are spread out in a larger area. - Don Wade

Golf is best understood as a series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. - Anon

68 - Back For Good...

I have been a bad parent to both golf and my little blog, I’ve neglected them terribly over the last few months and it is unforgivable. My lack of attention is so bad that I’m terrified that the Social Services are going to kick my door in and put my clubs and laptop with foster parents…or summat. Anyway, I’m going to make a fresh start, I promise.

The first thing the two regular visitors to this little corner of the web will notice are the new website address (RAIG – Rob’s Adventure In Golf, geddit?) and the Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen make over the place has had (it is amazing what you can do with a bit of MDF and some rag rolling). Many thanks to Tommy at Tangent12.co.uk for all his hard work.

The old site was very, well, grey wasn’t it? I hope you like the new colour scheme, I felt that it was important that my blog at least looks like it has something to do with golf as the last incarnation of this blog had a whiff of a recruitment site for Hitler’s SS (see below). Plenty of greens, browns and sandy hues now – very Earthy, hopefully a bit more appropriate.

I’m going to try and improve the content too with more on topic posts and reductions in swear words. When I started this little blog it was for me so I didn’t care if it offended people who stumbled across it but on reflection this may have been a little naïve as my potty mouth might put off visitors from returning in the future. From now on there will be less cussing.

I’ve also decided to introduce some regular features for fun. There are a lot of things that irritate me about golf; some serious, some not quite as serious and some just plain silly and I’ve decided to vent about them on this little corner of the web in the Monday Rant. If I write anything half decent I’m going to send them to Golf Whine Monthly to try and win a wedge or something.

Instead of the blog being all about me, me, ME all the time I’ll try and comment about other things happening in the world of golf too, maybe in some sort of weekly round up with a bit of spin (see what I did there?) Ahem. I might try and work on my jokes too.

You can help too by emailing the address of this website to 200 of your closest friends to spread the word. Also, on the right under the heading of ‘blogcatalog’ there is a little drop down box where you can rate this site. Why not, erm, rate this site?!

So, with the website looking better and my appetite for the game restored I’m excited to welcome you back into Rob’s World…I hope you enjoy your stay!!!

67 - We Bow Down To The Big Wedge...

Just because I haven’t been playing golf recently doesn’t mean I haven’t been obsessing over it or buying stuff to play it. I’m up to three golf magazines a month now although one of them is a mostly rubbish American one I picked up from Borders because it had a review of the Mizuno MX-200 clubs I’m thinking of getting.

I have been taking advantage of the January sales that just about every golf equipment selling website has had on. The first purchase was a gorgeous Mizuno MP-T Raw Haze wedge. This copper coloured beauty is 58* with 10* of bounce (whatever that means). What I do know is that it looks stunning new and is designed to rust like the hulk of the Titanic to make it work even better.

It can be found on certain sites for a whopping £85 but I got it for £30 delivered! Absolute bargain I’m sure you’ll agree. I now have a full set of Mizuno wedges ready to conquer rough/bunkers/fairway around the green.

To go with my new 58* Raw Haze I’ve also got a 52* and a 56* Mizuno MP-R Black Nickel. The three of them should weigh in at over £250 but I got the lot for just £90, which is, if I’m being honest, giving me a semi!

I’m going to put in a lot of practice with these babies as I ready somewhere that 70% of golf is played within chipping distance of the hole (although I’m not sure how true that actually is). Both Richie and Terry have both offered to help me learn how to chip the ball accurately and Alan is always there to give me advice at the driving range.

Yep, the addition of the Mizuno wedges is going to see me chipping like a champ although if I’m still useless I’ll just blame the cheap arsed bats I have just bought…

66 - WVGS...

After a bit of digging I found the name of that golf society I’m probably going to join. It is the Woolton Village Golf Society and they don’t have any sort of web presence save for a half arsed page updated by some clown called Richie who is apparently an ex-Captain. Piss poor. I might have to do something about that in the future…

65 - Hello, Hello, It's Good To Be Back...

As you may have noticed there has been a lack of activity on this blog for a while, the reason being that the closest I have been to playing golf recently is thrashing my mates on Tiger Woods 09 for the Playstation 3 (brilliant game by the way). A combination of a knackered ankle and lousy weather has been enough to keep me away from the wretched game…but now I’m back.

With my tendons/ligaments starting to feel like their old self again (after my drunken spill in Liverpool city centre just before Christmas) I’m going to start playing once more in the hope of being a bit better in time for the summer. The hope is to be hacking my way around grubby municipals at least once a week as I strive to become the first Open winner to come from Kirkby.

My plan is to get down to the driving range a couple of nights a week to ease myself back into the game, contact a Pro to arrange some proper lessons, develop a repeatable swing, get my arse down to the golf centre at Fiddlers Ferry and buy the Mizuno MX-200’s I’ve been drooling over for the last six months, join a golf society and then spend one morning a week swearing my head off as I send shot after shot into the rough.

Oh aye, that sounds like a decent plan, I’ll be amazed if it pans out that way though… I’m almost certainly going to join the same golf society that my mates Richie and Terry are in (I’m not actually sure of it’s name, something to do with Woolton or summat) and I might be able to rope in a couple of other new members in the shape of Lucky and Alan. Who knows, my brother might even turn up!

As ever I will keep you all up to date via this little corner of the Internet (that is on the verge of a make over incidentally) and I will fill the gaps with rubbish I have found on other sites or in Golf Whine Monthly. Hello, hello, it’s good to be back…