72 - The True Cack In Black...

The regular visitor to this site will know that rather than wait for the media to give me a hip nickname I decided to christen myself. I settled upon ‘The Cack in Black’ in honour of my ability and the hue of the attire I wear most of the time on the course. It is a fitting and catchy nickname that I was certain no-one else would use but watching Tiger Woods playing in The Open on Friday has made me wonder.

Anyone who saw Woods on the first two days of the tournament would have been amazed at the disjointed, petulant and sometimes frankly embarrassing display by the man who has been so good for so long. Since returning from his knee surgery he has looked a shadow of the player who dominated the sport for the last decade.

On Friday, dressed from top to toe in black (right), the most famous golfer on the planet did his best impression of this muni-hacker as he found the rough with unerring consistency.

He also screamed, slammed his clubs into ground and looked for all the world like he would rather be sat in the hotel playing the latest EA game bearing his name.

After a round where he missed a lot of fairways he managed to find the chauffer driven car waiting for him with ease and didn’t bother hang around to get confirmation that he had missed the cut at 5 over. It was a sad sight and left me a little disappointed, not only because I want to see the best players playing the best golf at the best courses but also because the great man is getting dangerously close to stealing my moniker.

I’m the original ‘Cack in Black’ and don’t take kindly to upstarts like Tiger Woods trying to muscle in on my action. Be warned Woods, my team of poorly trained, barely literate lawyers are ready to spring into action faster than one of your drives into the wilds of the Ayrshire countryside! You have been warned!!!