43 - Second Annual (Drunken) Tiger Woods Challenge...

After the overwhelming success of the first Annual Tiger Woods Drunken Challenge we decided to make it a regular thing. The premise is simple; four players take on one of the beautifully rendered courses on EA Sports Tiger Woods 09 on the Playstation 3. The kicker is that we all, as raging piss heads, drink our way around the course until the last few holes become a blur. It is a laugh!

Kev was the host with the most last time so I decided to step up and hold the second event at my gaff on Friday 7th October with a strict tee time of 19:30. There was no danger of anyone missing the start of the game as I also got mugged into being the fucking taxi service for the game too (as well as waitress, chef and chief pot and bottle washer).

There was a real incentive to do well in this round of the league as Paddy decided to donate a ‘fine’ trophy to be presented to the winner…but he forgot to bring it so that was that. The other incentive was to beat Kev ‘Man Citeh’ Long who had been sledging everyone with access to Facebook, explaining in detail how hard he was going to spank our arses (I hope he was just talking about the game).

The game started after we’d all selected our characters and the course. Again I went John Daley, Kev went Vijay Singh, Pat went Ian Poulter (resplendent in his tartan kecks) but Richie changed this time around and selected Jim Furyk. Was this tactics from Richie? Nah, apparently he just fancied a change.

Because Kev had been practicing SO much in an effort to eek out any advantage we decided to use the random course generator which would select 18 holes from all the courses available meaning that the first could be at St Andrews, the second at Sawgrass etc. This should make the game a bit more unpredictable and hopefully a bit more enjoyable. We also knocked all the settings up a little to make it a bit harder.

The game started and Kev roared to an early lead. The rest of us were playing catch up and I was doing worryingly bad. We discovered that Poulter can drive the ball as far as Daley and that Kev’s practice was paying off. Richie was doing surprisingly well seeing as he hasn’t actually got a copy of the game. We also learned that putting ‘Sweet Caroline’ on by Neil Diamond was a mistake as everyone stopped playing as started singing…

Kev was playing cautiously, learning from our mistakes but this would fail spectacularly on a tricky par 4 a few holes in. The hole in question was at Wolf Creek, a spectacular track plonked in the middle of a desert mountain range. The greens and fairways seem to have been lifted from another course and placed in the gaps between the peaks. It is a brilliant course.

The par 4 was relatively short, but not quite drivable because the green was behind a mountain peak! It was a classic dog-leg right but I knew it could be made if you hit the right shot. I went first and curled the ball around the peak and into a bunker protecting the green – job done in my book. Kev watched my shot and hit his ball up the fairway giving him a fairly long shot onto the green. Richie, bless him, fucked up two shots before ending up next to Kev. Then it was time for Paddy to shine!

The youngest player showed he had balls as big as Colin Montgomery’s gut as he blasted his tee shot high over the peak and onto the green. Well played Sir! Both me and Paddy pulled shots back, cutting Kev’s lead. Was this a turning point in the game? Erm, no. Kev continued to play well, keeping just ahead of me and a few shots ahead of Paddy who was playing erratically to say the least. A par on one hole followed by an eagle on the next – he was spectacularly inconsistent.

The game went on for an further hour and as it drew to a close Kev had a three shot lead with two holes to go. It was all over bar the shouting. I just kept plugging away knowing that there was always a chance he could screw up a tee shot or miss an easy putt. Amazingly Kev had a wobble and parred the 17th while I eagled it meaning I was just one shot behind with one hole to play.

The last hole was a par 5. I hit a decent tee shot and was on the green in two albeit about 60 feet from the hole. Unfortunately Kev was also on the green in two and was closer to the hole but still about 30 feet from the pin. I was first to putt and took my time lining it up. This extra time paid dividends as my ball plopped into the hole for an eagle! All Kev had to do was two putt for the win but the nerves got to him and he fucked up…twice! Victory was mine and Kev was absolutely gutted.

Paddy, ever the gentleman, took great pleasure in rubbing Kev’s face in it for about half an hour before we decided to have another round of the competition. I won’t lie; the second round is a blur as the ale made its merry way through my system. What I do remember was eagling the first and never looking back. Kev and Paddy were hilarious with there posing, sledging and celebrations after each good shot. By this time Richie was simply bladdered!

At the end I won by a few shots but the real drama was the battle for second. Paddy, like me earlier, pulled it out of the bag to snatch a draw with Kev on the last hole. This wasn’t satisfactory for either of them though so we had a play-off. Best out of three would sort the men from the boys. Actually, all it did was show just how close the two of them were. In the end we were adding all kinds of clauses to get a winner. ‘First in a bunker loses’, ‘first in the rough loses’ etc.

Eventually, after what seemed like about 10 holes Paddy made the break through and snatched second place from a now distraught Kev. Paddy was almost as unbearable in victory as Kev had been in the build up before hand. The two of them are different sides of the same coin!

Overall it was a good night, the ale flowed, the game was good and no-one died. Kev has vowed to take revenge in the next round of the league where we are playing for the prestigious Saxon Way medal. I can’t wait and I suspect I’m not alone…