31 - Half Is Better Than Nothing When You Are Desperate...

Me and Lucky decided that before it starts going dark really early we will try and get as many afternoon rounds in as possible. We planned a trip to Kirkby last Thursday so Wednesday saw the return of the club cleaning, clobber ironing routine that I go through before a game. Not that I was paranoid or anything but I marked a shit load of new balls with my little roo as I was certain I was going to lose a few.

Thursday morning arrived and coincided with another ‘wrath of the gods’ type downpour. Undaunted I contacted Kirkby to see if they were open “nah mate, it is fucking waterlogged” came the predictable response from Sweary McGeary. We decided to give it a miss this week as it was still pissing down as we headed to lunchtime.

Friday morning was glorious…blazing sunshine, no wind, a perfect crisp autumnal morning. “Surely it was perfect weather for golf?” asked Lucky, “you are right…and don’t call me Shirley” came my reply. I contacted Kirkby to see if, by some minor miracle, yesterday’s flood water had managed to work its way into the River Alt. I braced myself for the usual tirade from Sweary McGeary but instead was told by a very professional sounding lady that the course was too wet to play. It is never too wet to play…ahem.

Lucky was crest fallen; he needed to play like a fat kid needs M&M’s. It was decided that we would try the golfing hell that is Bootle. Unlike Kirkby, Bootle doesn’t have problems with drainage and seems to be open every day. Bastard, I don’t like that course, well the first nine holes anyway as they are too hard for me at the minute. We were booked to tee off at 3pm.

A quick drive home to get changed and pick up my stuff meant I was a little late but we were raring to go at 3:10 on the nose. Worryingly we were behind three scalls who were giving us snide looks because we hadn’t turned up in jeans and Reebok Classics like them. Never mind, once they tee off we won’t see them again…if only that were true.

The rest of the afternoon was one big, frustrating wait as the clowns split into the rough like the Red Arrows as they searched for their lost balls. They were so shit that at one point we were one of four games backed up behind them. Their shitness did take the pressure off us a little though as I was hopeless off the tee and Lucky was being a little wayward with some of his second shots. It all came together on the fourth though as we both hit the green for three (which is what we are aiming for at the moment as we aren’t good enough to get there in two).

Looking back we did hit a few good shots but overall I wasn’t impressed with my performance at all, my driving has gone to shit again and the more I tried the worse I got until I started teeing off with a 3 iron again just so I could take my second shot from the fairway. I’m properly putting the hours in at the range to work on my driving. I want it to be second nature to hit it kinda long and kinda straight. Practice makes permanent as they say (well Richie does anyway).

We made our way round and let a couple of lads who were much better than us play through on the tricky little par 3 5th. The two of them drove over the water and onto or close to the green. I thought Lucky was going to get his lights punched out by one of them as he started practicing his swing when one of the lads was taking his shot. The fact he was swinging was bad enough but then he smacked the ground and a big sod hit the lad teeing off as he was on his down stroke! Luckily the lad was ok about it.

By the time they had putted the next pair behind them had caught up to us too and I could see another game closing in quickly. No more playing through, sorry. I hate teeing off when people are watching as I end up rushing my shot just to get out of there and usually fuck up. Lucky teed off first with his hybrid and got the ball right in the middle…of the pond. Nicely done Sir! I used a 3 iron to make sure I cleared it and hit it into the reeds just before the green. Undaunted, Lucky tried again with his hybrid and hit a peach. If he were a degree or two to the left it seriously could have been a hole in one, it was a great shot.

We finished the hole and moved on to the next where I witnessed Lucky’s remarkable Bloodhound skills. He has an unerring ability to find his ball in the rough no matter how bad it is or how little he saw of it as it left his club.

He hit a really good tee shot that hooked into the rough a little as it rolled from the fairway. When we got there he couldn’t find it so hit another ball just in case. While walking up to the green he kept looking and spotted his ball buried in the rough. A second shot landed just shy of the dancefloor but he was happy. Before you know it he was chuffed to bits to get a par 4…until I reminded him that he actually got 5 whereupon he claimed I was ruining this game for him!

The round went on and for some reason my left hand got sorer and sorer until it got to a point where I couldn’t put any power into a shot without me getting shooting pains up my arm. That is a worry, I’m hoping I just bent or twisted it funny during the round, I hope it doesn’t flair up every time I play like some weird Tennis Elbow.

By the time we got to the ninth tee it was 6:15 and the sun was going down quickly, my hand was throbbing and the arseholes in front were still in the rough looking for their balls. The queue behind us had grown and I was now freezing. It was obvious to me that we weren’t going to get a full round in but Lucky was still up for it even if it meant playing on his own…in the dark! Eventually I convinced him to give it up and we shook hands on the 9th green to finish an eventful half round.

I wasn’t happy with the nine holes I played at all. My driving was shit and my putting has gone to the dogs. On the plus side my iron shots were pretty good – it looks like the Yellow & Blue Basket Challenge is paying off! I need to work with ‘Arthur’ before I play again – something I’m planning to do a lot next week at the range.