34 - Simply The Worst...Practice Ever!

What a difference a day makes as some bint once warbled. Yesterday was easily my best trip to the driving range, today was the worst. My golf was ok it was just the rest of it that sucked arse.

I went through the routine of texting the usual suspects and got a couple of replies. Lucky, desperate to build on his solid showing yesterday, was as giddy as a teenager on his first line of coke and desperate to get down there. Richie was also up for spending an hour hitting irritatingly straight shots down the range too. So far, so good.

Actually, why am I the only cunt who ever organises this shit? Any trip to Aintree starts with me sending out a flurry of texts in the hope that someone will agree to go. It would be nice if one of you lot would text me for a change to see if I were up for it. I could then play hard to get for a bit before giving in easier than a stowaway nymphomaniac on a ship full of horny sailors that have been at sea for two months.

Ahem…

Yeah, so I got my gear ready, got changed and braced myself to face the wilds of north Liverpool on a stormy October night. Then I got a phone call from Lucky saying that he had two tickets to see Oasis at the Echo Arena and was swerving the range. I had been blown out for Liam Gallagher. Liam fucking Gallagher for fuck sake. Lucky would rather watch that uni-browed, welly-headed, knock-eyed cunt than come the range with me. I felt dirty. Never mind, me and Richie would play and I was bound to get a few quality tips from him.

I fought my way into the range from the monsoon engulfing the car park and found a bay. Strangely, most of them were full despite there being no golf on telly and the weather being awful. I warmed up with a few whacks with ‘Arthur’ and things were going well. Then I received a call from my better half saying that Richie wasn’t coming as he got soaked filling the car with petrol at the garage or something. Fuck sake.

So there I was, alone, pissed off and soaked. To cut a long story short I won both the Blue and Yellow Basket Challenges as I was the only gobshite playing. Eventually Richie popped in for 5 minutes on his way home but the damage had been done, I been abandoned and left to my own devices. All I learned from the session is that playing alone is shite and you can go through 100 balls in about 20 minutes without trying. Gutted.