06 - Golf Whine Monthly...

Now that I can effectively hit the ball in the general direction I want it I was eager to start playing but first I had to obsess about the game some more. There is an easy way to obsess quickly – I entered the world of magazines (not THOSE magazines, golf magazines).

I tried two to start with, Today’s Golfer and Golf Punk. Today’s Golfer is exactly what I was expecting in that it was quite serious and focused on helping you lower your handicap and all that shit. It has product reviews, player interviews and workshops – all good stuff no doubt. Golf Punk is Nuts Magazine with putters. Nice. Both were ok, nothing that made me think I should subscribe and receive some implausibly shite gift or anything though.

One thing I did notice was that the reader’s letters were so dreary. “I paid 150 Euros to play on a top course in Portugal and when I got there the fairways were lined with villas. It was like playing in an expensive housing estate. Blah blah blah.” So fucking what? Just smack the balls up the field sink the little bastard and move on, don’t whine like a bitch about it in the hope of winning a wedge.

I’m seriously considering writing to the magazines to see if I can inject some humour and wit into the letters page [insert your own joke here]. If I’m being honest I think I would have to tone down the language, stop the aimless rambling about shops and thongs and have something interesting to say. Hmmm, maybe I’ll give it a miss.

On the subject of wedges, is there really THAT much difference between the six million that get reviewed in the magazines each month? In all honesty, how can one be significantly better than the other and therefore justify being significantly more expensive? It isn’t just wedges though. Why is it that Ping stuff cost so much? How much better can Titleist Pro V1 balls be to a cack handed moron like me? Are Footjoy shoes really as comfortable as carpet slippers? Will wearing Tiger Woods’ Nike gear get me a harem of horny ‘bunker babes’?

Ok, if I buy Ping clubs, Taylor Made Woods, Callaway wedges and use Titleist balls will I suddenly be a better player or is it all a big swiz? The fact that I’m using expensive Callaway clubs yet couldn’t hit a cows arse with a banjo says it all I think. Fuck it, I’m only buying stuff that looks good from now on, starting with the Titleist Vokey wedge (above) because you can buy it with something called an ‘oil can finish’ which is like a rusty brown but looks boss…unless I win a wedge with my ‘hilarious’ letter to Golf Whine Monthly.