10 - I Have A Dream...

What do you need to start your own golfist society? Seeing as I’ve been around a course once, have got second-hand clubs and am totally useless I figure I could be the perfect person to have his own golf society.

I have limited experience of being a part of a golf society as I have attended the prestigious Woolton Golf Society dance ‘n award night extravaganza in the past. I can do that part. Dress up like a penguin, get all shitty if someone has the audacity to take their jacket off before the captain says it is ok and then try and drink my own body weight in lager. Yeah, that would be a piece of piss.

I assume we would need a ‘home’ course. Which one to choose though? Actually, why not have a few courses and do a mini tour? Can you do that? What am I saying, it is my society, I can do what the fuck I want?!?!? Right, let’s do the municipals as they aren’t arsed who plays as long as you pay. Kirkby and Allerton are in but what about the other scall ridden gaffs around Liverpool?

Bootle is an obvious one as football shirts and Lacoste trainees are almost a uniform down there so we’d look like Dapper Dan’s in our cheap crap from Sports Soccer. How about the short course at Aintree? Nine holes in the middle of the Grand National course should be a laugh if a little ‘samey’. I’m loathed to travel too far but Bowring Park in Huyton should be ok as it is, erm, another municipal I think and therefore will be strewn with litter and populated by people with kids called Chantelle.

Right, Kirkby, Allerton, Bootle, Aintree and Huyton will be our battlegrounds, now we need a name. Is it to egotistical to call it “Rob’s Golf Society”? What about “Rob’s Irregular Golf Society”? That would give us a cool acronym of R.I.G.S. too...like Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon. Hey, we could use a picture of his grid as our society logo.

Seeing as this will be an exclusive and snobby society (like golf in general) it will be invitation only. Who’ll be on the list though? Gotta have Alan and Richie after all the help they have given me. Lucky is in purely due to the fact you KNOW he will be the first player ever to be hit by an engine that fell off a plane flying over a golf course. Jason, Paul and James from work will be in as will my good friend Gaz who can’t play golf but has said he will do security for us. Can’t be a golf society without some muscle.

Yeah, this starting to take shape. More news when I have it. BTW I’m looking for a motto, does anyone know what the Latin is for “We are shit but we have a laugh”?