11 - International Ball Chipping Legend…

Another day another trip to the driving range. I seem to spend more time there than at home which probably comes as a relief to my lovely, lovely fiancée. Armed with my 3 wood, 5 iron and 9 iron I was determined to exorcise my golfing demons and hopefully lower my frankly pathetic score.

I met Alan at the range and focused on not wasting a single ball (you all know what it is like, you hit a few then get discouraged and just go through the motions instead of doing it properly…or is that just me? It is just me, isn’t it? Fuxake).

I have a weird little drill that I go through. I hit balls in groups of six for no good reason. I’ll hit six one after another then have a break or change clubs. Thinking about it, I might do it because I can only fit five balls in my pocket at one go – maybe I need bigger kecks? Anyway, I do six at a time.

I started with my 3 wood and hit four straight, one a little wide and the last was all over the shop. Acceptable scoring. I then did six with my 5 iron but was nowhere near as successful. Out of that half dozen I hit two good ones, three shit ones and one toe-curlingly bad one. On to the 9 iron. When I went around Kirkby with Alan I consistently topped my chip shots making them fly low and long – the exact opposite of what I was looking for. I hit six stinkers on the range, a fact that didn’t go unnoticed by Alan.

Alan then showed me something so magical that it could have been thought up by Walt Disney – the quarter swing chip. You pull the club back to the sort of height of your knee then go through the ball and finish at the sort of the height of your knee. The result – a ball that goes about 20 feet in the air and fly’s about 50 yards! More witchcraft! I had been trying since becoming a golfist to do this shot but simply didn’t have the ability. Now I knew the secret there was no stopping me.

I was in awe of my chipping ability. No seriously. Chipping was by far the worst part of my game at Kirkby so to work out how to do it was a proper ‘eureka’ moment for me. I wasted no time at all chipping half of my balls away down the range. For the first time though, I had a target in the shape of a little blue basket with a net in it about 50 yards away. Alan said that if I got the ball pretty close to the basket it would mean a sinkable putt on a course but I wanted to get it IN the basket. The inevitable challenge started between Rob Skywalker and Alan-Wan Kenobi.

The two of us were chipping like loons trying to get it in but eventually the winner was…Alan. Shocker. Anyway, although I lost the game I was more than happy with my performance. I was getting the ball to within 10 feet almost every time with the odd shot plopping almost bang on. More practice and I could scale the heady heights of being shit (which is a vast improvement on where I am now – fucking useless).

I left the driving range itching to chip which is something I never thought I’d say after my round at Kirkby. Now I’m on the road to becoming an international ball chipping legend I’m definitely getting that Titleist Vokey wedge!