25 - Operation: Snide Round...

To see if I was going to continue playing golf in the future I gave myself two tests to pass. Firstly, I had to have a good session at the driving range with Richie (including reducing my horrible slice, getting the balls to go in the general direction I wanted them to and, most importantly, to enjoy myself). Secondly, I decided to play a round at Kirkby on my own to see if I could do it without any help or encouragement.

I had fallen out of love with the sport in the last few weeks. I had been putting the effort in, practicing hard, devoting time and money to the game yet was getting nowhere fast. To be honest, the only part of golf I was enjoying was writing this blog and drooling over golf porn (monster drivers with weights you could customise, expensive wedges, putters that look like ships from a Star Trek film etc).

If things didn’t go well over the next two days then I was going to jack the lot in or at least drastically reduce the amount of time I was devoting to it.

Yesterday I went to Aintree with Richie and had a great session to be honest. I even won the blue net challenge! He tweaked my game slightly (back to what I was doing properly a few weeks ago ironically) and I was back on track. All I needed was a decent round at Kirkby and there would be no more hissy fits and no more posts on here filled with tales of woe and sorrow, I could get back to trying to improve and hopefully enjoying the game again.

I wanted to play in peace so I arrived at the course at 7:10 confident that I would be the only person there. Was I shite. The car park was a quarter full and there was a queue to tee off. Haven’t this lot got anything better to do than be playing golf on a beautiful, crisp autumnal morning? Hmmm, just read that back and think I know the answer!

History will show that I always slice my first shot on a course and today was no different. Knowing that I would slice the ball I compensated by aiming at the river which runs the length of the first hole to the left. I may have compensated a little too much though as my training, allied to the Hippo John Daly driver Paul from work lent me helped the ball sail perilously close to the water, eventually rolling inches from the rough on the left of the fairway.

A decent, if a little short, second shot put me within chipping distance of the green. Time to bring out the 56* wedge and get the control on the green I needed. After today’s round I know I need to practice my chipping…a lot. I managed to top the ball which resulted in the ball fizzing across the green and into the trees at the back of the hole. A second chip was required. A third was needed seconds later as the ball shot back to where it had originally come from. Fuck this, I decided to use the putter from the fairway, it is easier. Minutes later I had a six on the first par four – a par in Rob’s Scoring.

This was pretty much the pattern for the entire round. Decent tee shot (majorly happy with this by the way), half decent iron to the edge of the green (sometimes in the rough though but you can’t have everything) then hacking the ball all over the bastard place with my wedge or 9 iron (pain in the arse) before two or three putting (not happy with this, my putting has gone down hill I reckon).

Playing your second shot from the fairway makes a big difference. The last time I played Kirkby and all through the round at Bootle my second shot was usually an exercise in trying to get the ball back into a playable position rather than going for the green.

I was impressed with the Hippo club Paul lent me. I was able to hit the ball relatively far and reasonably straight which helped me attack the green with my second shot. I was so impressed with the wood that I sent Paul an email via my BlackBerry on the 13th green to say that he wasn’t getting it back and asking him how much he wanted for it. “A 20 spot” came the reply. Job done, it now lives in my bag permanently!

Talking of the 13th, it is a big dog leg right par five that I struggled with last time. With the help of the ‘Arthur’ (John Daly – Arthur Daly…geddit?) and two good iron shots I was on the green in 3. I three putted to give me a score of 6 or a birdie in Rob’s Scoring! Get in. Oh and I managed not to completely fuck up any of the son-of-a-bitch par 3’s either! At this rate I’ll crack the magical sub-100 mark in the next 12 months I reckon…

I continued my way around the course and even played through four auld fella’s who seemed to spend as much time arguing as they did playing! As I was passing them they were discussing a ball one of them had found in the rough, I swear (and so did they – a lot) the conversation went some thing like this:

“Have you found your ball yet because there is one here? What are you playing?”
“Golf.”
“I know you are playing golf! What fucking ball are you using?!”
“Well why did you ask what I was playing then soft arse?”
“I meant what ball are you playing.”
“Well why didn’t you fucking say that?”
“For fuck sake. What ball are you playing?”
“A white one.”
“Are you taking the piss?”
“Eh? Oh, does it say Terry on it?”
“No, nothing. Hang on John, who the fuck is Terry?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well why would your ball have Terry on it?”
“You never know!”
“Are you trying to fucking wind me up?”

I played through, laughing my head off. It was good to see that it wasn’t just me who got frustrated with the game. I heard them effing and blinding on a fairway later on in the round and in the car park on the way out. After all the abuse they dished out to each other and all the ripping the last thing they did was arrange another match next week. The power of golf is strong!

After just over three hours I eventually trundled up to the 18th tee and was knackered to be honest. One last swing of Arthur left me perfectly positioned on the fairway, a cracking iron shot put me in chipping distance of the green, after a fluffed chip I eventually got the ball about 20 feet from the pin. With some people looking on from the putting green behind the 18th dancefloor I stroked my best putt of the day to finish on a five – a birdie in Rob’s Scoring!

I wanted to strut off the course in a “do you know who I am” kinda way but my legs had gone so I shuffled over to the benches behind the first tee and sat down for 10 minutes while I worked out my score. I did the front 9 in 55 and the back in 52 giving me 107 in total.

I started this post by stating that I had given myself two tests to pass. Last night’s driving range session was passed with flying colours and after knocking a massive 12 shots off my first score around Kirkby it is fair to say Operation: Snide Round was an overwhelming success too. Maybe I’ll give this golf lark another bash!!!