17 - Fat Kangaroo's and Mork vs The Fonz...

I mentioned in another post that I was considering including Bootle in my mini tour as part of the Rob’s Irregular Golf Society (R.I.G.S.). After my game there the other day I’ll have to have a rethink. I know that playing tougher courses will only help my game but with the credit crunch biting I can’t afford the box of new balls required to play the front nine of the fucking place.

As we were paying I remember seeing a box behind the cashiers shoulder in the Bootle clubhouse (I say clubhouse, it looked like a garage with a drinks machine in it to be honest) selling lake balls. I smirked at the thought. After playing a round I reckon they will have no shortage of stock.

If you visit, buy one of my Kangaroo marked Callaway’s, they will be worth money in the future…not because I’ll make it as a golfist but because I’ll be infamous for gunning down punters in a golf shop after slicing another drive out of bounds.

On a totally unrelated note I’ve just turned on Five US and Mork from Mork & Mindy is in Happy Days having a fight with The Fonz. Seriously, what the fuck? In the end Mork abducted The Fonz and took him to Ork. I haven’t even been drinking.

Anyway, back at the course… I’m just watching the European Tour on Sky Sports to see if I can get some tips. So far all I’ve learned is that to be good you have to be tall, skinny, blond and from Scandinavia. Seeing as I am none of those it looks like I have shit it. Where are all the fat golfers (hacking their way around municipal courses is the obvious answer).

Does being fat make it harder to be good at golf? No seriously. Is having a gut bad for your game? Is there some evidence to say that having a ‘Cocky’s Hut’ impairs your ability to strike a ball straight? Saying that, Richie is an athlete like me and he has no trouble so I must be talking out of my arse!!!

But the fact of the matter is you don’t see many fat golfers playing professionally…well there might be some but see how many of them at the Ryder Cup (see, I even know some of the big competitions and that now…I’m such a golfist).