21 - [RANT] The Fucking Ryder Cup...

I knew having an interest in the Ryder Cup would mean that Europe would lose, it was a cert. I have watched the competition over the last few years with a bit of interest but nothing too serious so this year, now that it actually matters to me, I could have bet a kidney on the fact that Team Gluttony & Arrogance would triumph over the brave, brave Europeans.

As predicted, it was a whoop and holla-a-thon from the unwashed masses that did their best to ruin my enjoyment of the tournament. I went on (at length) about that lot in another post but they exceeded even my expectations. “In the hole!”, “Bo USA!”, “Bomb Eye-ran” and other shite for three fucking days…utter, utter bellends. But the players were no better.

What is the deal with that bloaty headed fucker, Lil Kim? I saw him have a ‘mare, get saved by a peach of a shot from Phil Mickelson (the exception to the rule when it comes to arrogant Americans from what I’ve seen of him) then he sank an easy 4 foot putt and danced across the green like he had just hit a hole in one…on a par 5…with his putter. I was so pissed off with him I turned over.

Then there was that fat tit who was riding a pretend horse down the fairway. My toes nearly curled off at the sight of an adult prancing around like a backward kid at a birthday party. All he was missing was a tiny pointy hat and cake around his mouth. Yeah, the Ryder Cup was in Kentucky where they have a famous horse race, we get it.

The difference between that shower and us is that if the Ryder Cup is held in Amsterdam in two years time for example we won’t see the likes of Ian Poulter running around butt naked, firing ping pong balls out of his arse with a big, fat spliff in his grid despite the Dutch capital being famous for hookers and drugs.

So the weekend was ruined by the American players and fans and now my week is on the ropes by what can only be described as cunts. Me and Alan went to the driving range tonight and the place was heaving. The Ryder Cup has gotten people into golf which is surely a good thing? Well no it isn’t and I’ll tell you why.

Out of the 40 or so bays at Aintree, 35 of them were filled with kids or dickheads arsing around. Now, I’m no pro but I am trying to have a go which is why it messed with my head having to wait for a free bay and then put up with all manner of tosser who tuned into Sky Sports on Saturday and now think it is hilarious to spend two hours trying to hit 100 balls.

We had three bays behind us filled with what looked like the kids from Hansen (all shoulder length blond hair and faces you wanted smash in with a house brick) whose primary aim, as far as I could see, was to scream at the top of their squeaky voices every time they managed to hit a ball. Bliss.

The two bays in front of us were being used by a group of Spaniards who tried to smack the coating off of the ball in-between chain smoking about 600 ciggies each. Actually, that is unfair, they did stop smoking to swig their lager and spout incomprehensible nonsense at each other.

We were surrounded by people you would cross the road to avoid, all brought together by the power of the Ryder Cup. They had wiped the dust off their 10 year old bats, bombed to their nearest driving range and were all merrily trying to push me over the edge by screaming their head off, smoking and drinking. Oh yeah, this lot were good for golf.

The only plus point is that they were even shitter than me so they won’t bother coming back once the novelty has worn off. Talking of not coming back, if I don’t improve soon I swear to God I’m gonna put my clubs on eBay, throw my golf clobber in the bin and jack the fucking lot in. If this site suddenly disappears you know things haven’t gone well…