Arnold Palmer is the biggest crowd-pleaser since the invention of the portable sanitary facility. - Bob Hope
When John Daly hits an iron he takes a cubic yard of Kent as well. His divots go further than my drives. - David Feherty
A triple bogey is three strokes more than par, four strokes more than par is a quadruple bogey, five more than par is a quintuple, six is a sextuple, seven is a throwuple, eight is a blowuple, and nine is a ohshutuple. - Henry Beard
Golf and masturbation have at least one thing in common. Both are a lot more satisfying to do than they are to watch. - Anon
The only thing gonna stick around that hole (14th at Pebble Beach) is a dart! Yesterday I was on in three, off in four. They oughta put one of them miniature windmills on this thing and charge 50 cents to play it. - Lee Trevino
Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. - P. G. Wodehouse
Trousers are now allowed to be worn by ladies on the course. But they must be removed before entering the clubhouse. - Sign at an Irish golf club
(After hitting two balls into the water) By God, I've got a good mind to jump in and make it four. - Simon Hobday
Hit the ball hard and straight and not too often. - Anon
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. - Tiger Woods
Showing posts with label P G Wodehouse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label P G Wodehouse. Show all posts
Friday, 23 July 2010
Saturday, 15 August 2009
93 - Quote/Unquote...
Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective. - Huxtable Pippey
The hardest shot is the chip at 90 yards from the green where the ball has to be played against an oak tree, bounces back into a sandtrap, hits a stone, bounces onto the green, and then rolls into the cup. That shot is so difficult; I have only made it once. - Zeppo Marx
The most exquisitely satisfying act in the world of golf is that of throwing a club. The full backswing, the delayed wrist action, the flowing follow-through, followed by that unique whirring sound, reminiscent only of a passing flock of starlings, are without parallel in sport. - Henry Longhurst
One of the nice things about the Senior Tour is that we can take a cart and a cooler. If your game is not going well, you can always have a picnic. - Lee Trevino
Like all Saturday foursomes it is in difficulties. One of the patients is zigzagging about the fairway like a liner pursued by submarines. - P. G. Wodehouse
The average golfer doesn't play golf. He attacks it. - Jackie Burke
My golf game's gone off so much that when I went fishing a couple of weeks ago my first cast missed the lake. - Ben Crenshaw
Few pleasures on earth match the feeling that comes from making a loud bodily-function noise just as a guy is about to putt. - Dave Barry
I'd rather watch a cabbage grow, than a man worrying his guts over a two-foot putt. - Michael Parkinson
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin
The hardest shot is the chip at 90 yards from the green where the ball has to be played against an oak tree, bounces back into a sandtrap, hits a stone, bounces onto the green, and then rolls into the cup. That shot is so difficult; I have only made it once. - Zeppo Marx
The most exquisitely satisfying act in the world of golf is that of throwing a club. The full backswing, the delayed wrist action, the flowing follow-through, followed by that unique whirring sound, reminiscent only of a passing flock of starlings, are without parallel in sport. - Henry Longhurst
One of the nice things about the Senior Tour is that we can take a cart and a cooler. If your game is not going well, you can always have a picnic. - Lee Trevino
Like all Saturday foursomes it is in difficulties. One of the patients is zigzagging about the fairway like a liner pursued by submarines. - P. G. Wodehouse
The average golfer doesn't play golf. He attacks it. - Jackie Burke
My golf game's gone off so much that when I went fishing a couple of weeks ago my first cast missed the lake. - Ben Crenshaw
Few pleasures on earth match the feeling that comes from making a loud bodily-function noise just as a guy is about to putt. - Dave Barry
I'd rather watch a cabbage grow, than a man worrying his guts over a two-foot putt. - Michael Parkinson
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin
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