94 - Fifth Monday Rant - Loudmouth Fans...

The PGA Tour event over the weekend has reinforced my belief that certain golf fans are nothing but loudmouthed, ignorant dicks that must have snuck into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t looking. To be fair, the vast majority are a credit to the game; it is the 1% who insist on screaming something after each shot that mess with my head.

What is the point in screaming ‘IN THE HOLE!!!’ after a tee shot on a par 5? There is no way on God’s green Earth that anyone is going to get a hole in one on the 627 yard 3rd at Hazeltine yet two halfwits still felt the need to holler it after Tiger Woods’ tee shot on the final round. He couldn’t make the green if he fired his Nike One Platinum from a cannon.

Later on there was an impossibly long approach shot by Woods that was sent down the fairway to a cacophony of almost hysterical screams. I know that Woods is the local hero but howling ‘TIGER!!!’ every time he hits the ball, regardless of if it finds the fairway/green or not, just grates after a while.

The final straw for me came with the shout ‘GET IT ON THE GREEN!!!’ on the par 3 4th. Of course he is going to find the green in fact there is a good chance that he could get a hole in one yet some squeaky voiced bint felt the need to shout it.

What is the point? Is it for encouragement? Does Tiger Woods really need encouragement when leading on the final round of the event?

The irritating barks didn’t just follow Woods though. There were all manner of whoops and hollers as Padraig Harrington and YE Yang fought to reel Eldrick in. After one high flying Harrington chip there was the most ridiculous shout I heard all weekend; ‘SPIN!!!’ Oh come on, for the love of all things holy is that the best they could come up with? At that point I muted the TV.

I understand that fans get caught up in the drama and emotion of the game, especially on the final round of an excellent tournament, but how hard is it to show a little restraint and keep your big mouth shut instead of blurting out a stream of clichéd garbage? Cheers and whoops after the ball has sunk into the hole are fine but spouting crap from tee to green is just retarded.

86 - Golf Shorts: Tiger / Mickelson / Buick / Schmidt...

The papers, sports sites and blogs have been quick to sharpen the knife (then stick it to Eldrick) this week. If Tiger Woods doesn’t win the upcoming PGA Championship at Hazeltine, he will finish 2009 without a major title. This, it seems, is a disaster despite the great man already racking up four victories this season. I’m sure Woods will be gutted if he goes a whole year without a major victory to his name but he can always console himself by checking his bank balance.

Phil Mickelson (below) returned to the PGA Tour after missing the last six weeks to care for his wife and mother after both where diagnosed with breast cancer. "Things at home are going much better. We've had a great six weeks," said Mickelson. "We're in a much better place now than we were. I'm excited about that. I'm excited about the chance to play a little golf too." The world number 2 took part in the Bridgestone Invitational in Akron, Ohio ahead of next week's PGA Championship.

In a moment of common sense Buick confirmed they will no longer be sponsoring golf tournaments. Buick’s parent company General Motors are making workers redundant as the global recession hits hard so it would be in extreme bad taste for them to splash the cash to get their name plastered all over the TV footage from one of the immaculate courses dotted around the US.

It isn’t just Buick pulling out; there are at least another 10 tournaments in America that could be without a main sponsor after 2010 as the big corporations tighten their belts and slash their advertising budgets.

And finally...

Most players would give anything to be a professional but one man was planning on taking the United States Golf Association to court to reinstate his amateur status.

The fantastically named Dusty Schmidt recently dropped a lawsuit against the governing body when he was advised by his legal team that he probably wouldn’t win.

Schmidt is a former top junior golfer who went on to play professionally but took a break from the sport when he suffered a heart attack in 2004 aged just 23. While recuperating he started playing online poker and now is one of the games top players earning over $3m in prize money. When his health improved in 2006 he successfully applied to regain his amateur status but it all went wrong this April when he issued a $1m challenge on his website for a combined poker and golf competition.

As Schmidt was playing for cash the USGA revoked his amateur status. Schmidt refuted the decision because no-one took him up on the challenge so he didn’t actually play for money! The golf association ignored his plea because the challenge was "detrimental to the best interests of the amateur game." The poker ace is now back in training and is hoping to compete in some professional events. If you can’t beat ‘em eh?