166 - Ugly Betty...

Ping has decided to help us mere mortals with an all-new range of easy to hit, forgiving woods and clubs. The K Series is squarely aimed at the game improver end of the market, which is fine, but they have also sneaked out a new set of wedges and putters that is really giving me a lump in my shorts.

Lets start with the K Series first. The new set is typical Ping, well designed, beautifully made and ugly as sin. What is it with Ping designers; it is like they try to make their equipment deliberately unpleasant to look at. Dark metal club heads finished off with silver and maroon don’t do it for me at all.

The colour is continued across the family to the driver and fairway woods where it is a little more successful. The fact that the top of the woods is dark and miserable keeps the focus on the ball and not on the horrible looking club about to hit it.

If you like that colour combination then the Scottsdale Wolverine putter (left) might be right up your street.

I’m still not crazy about the charcoal/maroon scheme but the design is fantastic I reckon. I’m a sucker for this type of ultra forgiving, crazy looking putter.

Finally there is the new Tour-S wedge that is totally devoid of maroon in any way shape or form.

The club comes in chrome and what Ping toe-curlingly calls Rustique that thankfully looks a lot better than it sounds. It is one of those great wedges that rust over time to produce more spin.

Colour and design preference is a very personal thing and I don’t think Ping have got it right with the K Series kit but you know the performance will be spot on. The company has a long history of knocking up some of the best equipment I just wish they would make their stuff a little prettier.

The new kit should be available now from all good retailers (and the rubbish ones too).

116 - Acceptable In The 80's...

Golf Whine Monthly ran a number of features about the range of new conforming wedges that have flooded the market since the USPGA banned the use of u grooves. Every manufacturer is bringing new kit out that is trying to stretch the rules as much as they possibly can yet the most popular wedge on the tour this year could be a 20 year old chipper from Ping. Intrigued?

To recap, u shaped grooves are wider and deeper than the v shaped type that professionals must use on their wedges now. The powers at be decided the professionals are receiving too much help allowing them to produce too much ball spin giving them too much control around the green. Apparently the change is designed to emphasize golfers' skill over technology. Hmmm...

Players being professionals are trying to get any advantage they can and it seems that Phil Mickelson has found a way to stick it to the man. There is a loophole that states that pre-1990 wedges – resplendent with the dirty, illegal u grooves – are exempt from the new cull in the US and can be used in competition. Queue ‘Lefty’ chipping with gay abandon at the recent at the Farmers Insurance Open in San Diego using a 20 year old Ping Eye 2.

It is fair to say that this didn’t go down well with Mickelson’s fellow professionals.

Lee Westwood and and American Scott McCarron were two players who spoke out against Mickelson's decision to use the club with McCarron labelling the former world number 2 a “cheat” – harsh words indeed.

McCarron has since apologised for his outburst but it is clear that use of the club is causing bad blood.

Mickelson has since said he would not use the club as a sign of respect to his fellow professionals, who rallied in support of him last season when his wife Amy was diagnosed with breast cancer. "I like and respect these players out here and when my wife and I were at one of our low points, the players came together and did one of the nicest things that could have been done to show support and it meant tons for me. Out of respect for them, I do not want to have an advantage over them, whether it's perceived or actual. My point's been made, I won't play it."

The American has now demanded that the USPGA close the loophole. "I have been very upset with the way the entire rule change has come about, and its total lack of transparency. This has got to change. To come out and change a rule like this that has a loophole... is ridiculous. It hurts the game and you cannot put the players in the position to interpret what the rule means. This should have been decided well before this came out. It put me and it put all players in a bad spot and it needs to be changed."

So after all the design, manufacture and testing work the club makers have gone through it is ironic that the best piece of equipment to use if you are a professional is a wedge from the 1980’s If you have an old Ping Eye 2 wedge in decent condition why not stick it on eBay where there is a chance to fleece a couple of hundred pounds out of one of the mega rich Tour Professionals hoping to get an edge.

75 - We Are The Goon Squad...

There were many sniggers and snide remarks from the pundits covering the Open at Turnberry this year when John Daly stepped onto the first tee in an outfit so loud that they probably burnt the retinas of any spectator who was unfortunate enough to glance at his legs (below). Anyone who saw the big man strutting down the fairways in his Loudmouth Golf clothes won’t forget it in a hurry.

Although his attire was a little extreme I salute Daly for not taking the dress code so seriously, I salute anyone who sticks it to the man. That is not to say I think anything can be worn on the golf course, far from it, I just think that if golf is to move away from the perception that it’s elitist and snobby there needs to be a change in attitudes from the old guard.

Ok, I get that jeans are a no no on the course but why for example, if wearing shorts, must players also wear knee length socks (a rule I saw recently at a private course)? Surely players are wearing shorts to keep cool – something that is negated with the addition of 2 foot of gleaming white terry-towlling sports socks!

I’ll admit that seeing people on municipal’s in an England shirt, tracksuit bottoms and a pair of Reebok Classics winds me up but is it the worse thing in the golfing world? (What does make me laugh about these ‘rule breakers’ is that they can’t find the cash for a pair of proper golf shoes but they will have a bag full of Ping clubs and will be firing Titleist Pro V1’s up the fairway. Hmmm…)

I agree with DJ Chris Evans who said he likes playing golf he just doesn’t like looking like a golfer. I don’t like the Lyle & Scott v-neck pullover brigade who march up and down the fairways checking everyone else out like a cranky headmaster, tutting at players wearing garish coloured polo shirts, fashionable tailored pants and designer shoes with matching bling belts. It is as if they expect players to dress like extras from 70’s sitcom Terry & June.

Big manufacturers like Nike and Adidas have made great strides in producing more fashionable golf clothes while the likes of Stromberg, Oscar Jacobson and J Lindeberg make stuff that could be worn in the coolest of bars as well as at the local track. So why should there be frowns from the Ronnie Corbett-a-likes if some young buck turns up in a pair of Ian Poulter’s Union Jack pants?

If the dress code was relaxed slightly and the attitude towards non-traditional clothes changed for the better I’m convinced more young people would be interested in joining private clubs and societies. Young men love posing and some of the premium clothing available lets them do just that as they strut up the fairway like a golfing peacocks.

To stay alive every sport needs to evolve but golf won’t move forward if the blazer and tie types put barriers in front of potential new players because of the way they dress. I think it is time for the old to embrace the new and update their attitudes. After all, golf is a great game that should be enjoyed by everyone even if they decide to turn up looking like John Daly.

39 - Thouroughly Entertained For a Change...

The latest copy of Golf Whine Monthly found its way into my possession the other day and for the first time ever it thoroughly entertained me. Is this a sign that I’m now getting into golf enough to understand everything they are banging on about? Does it show that I’m eager to learn about what is happening in the world of golf? Or could it be that there is a new Titleist Vokey wedge out and they had pictures of it? You decide…

This year’s Vokey wedges come with three new shaft stiffness’s giving the range increased variety and making them more accessible to players of varying ability. The faces of the club are still ‘spin milled’ meaning the ball rotates faster than if struck with an average wedge which, in theory, gives the player more control.

But fuck all that, they still do the little beauty with an ‘Oil Can’ finish. I swear I get a semi on just thinking about the bronzed little minx! Interestingly they still do it boring arsed ‘Tour Chrome’ but now it also comes in pornographic ‘Black Nickel’. Oooh, it is almost as nice as the junkyard dog…I think I want one of both.

On the subject of new clubs there was an interesting letter from some clown who is as bad as me asking should he stick with the auld clubs he inherited a few years ago or invest in some new bats. The answer was simple; new ‘game-improvement’ clubs will provide more forgiveness and playability and help reduce handicaps. I’m sold.

Not only do the good people at Golf Whine Monthly say I need some shiny new clubs they also give a list of the best ones to buy. They reckon the Wilson Di9’s or the Mizuno MX-100’s (pictured above) are great and are available for under £400 which is a definite plus. They also mention some clubs I have already talked about on this blog; the TaylorMade Burner Plus and Ping’s Rapture V2 but they are crazy expensive.

In summary; the Wilson’s look cheap, the Mizuno’s look great (and have a blue highlight to them - nice), the TaylorMade’s look too up their own arse and the Ping’s look fucking awesome. At this moment the Mizuno’s seem a pretty good bet, especially as they are just £50 a club (this compares well when put up against the Ping’s which are over a ton a bat)! I can either buy a full set of the Mizuno’s or half a set of the Ping’s. Decisions, decisions…

Finally, there was a reply to the crying cunt who travelled all the way to Portugal to play on some swanky course but was pissed off because there were villas lining some of the holes. He said it made the place look like a posh housing estate but a couple of residents wrote in to call him a whining bastard. To be honest I agree with them. Like I said at the time, just get on with spanking the piss out of the ball and enjoy yourself for fuxake.

33 - Brightly Coloured Aspirational Bobbins...

Since spotting the good reviews of a set of TaylorMade clubs the other week I have been eying up their merchandise with more than a little passing interest. Before reading the review I never really fancied their stuff (despite having a TaylorMade bag ironically) as they always looked a bit, well, poncey to me compared to other manufacturers. It is hard to explain but I’ll have a go.

When I think of Nike stuff it puts me in mind of 20 and 30-something players who have recently taken the sport up and are full of energy and enthusiasm. They would be the sort of people who would buy Golf Punk magazine (which I described as Nuts Mag with putters if you remember) and have longest drive competitions for Tequila Shots.

Ping is what professionals and auld arses use. People who have been playing for 15 years or more, got the hooning out of their system and now want clubs that allow them to do shit like shape their shots in an effort to get down to a single figure handicap. Their choice is made because they will absolutely not compromise on quality and price isn’t really an issue.

When it comes to TaylorMade I tend to think of people who buy stuff because of the image it portrays. It puts me in mind of people who absolutely must have an executive German saloon despite struggling to pay the insurance on it. People who buy Apple Mac’s because of the way they look rather than because of the stuff it can do. People who have to have the latest phone with all the bells and whistles despite never using them half of them. You know the type of person I mean, they are usually referred to as cunts.

Well that is what I was thinking as I was idly checking the Auto Trader website for a Mercedes CLK coupe on my iPhone via the shortcut that synced from my MacBook. Yup, they are the type of person you would cross the road to avoid. They are usually mouthy bastards with too much to say and too little worth listening to in my experience. Erm…

Joking aside, TaylorMade have that effect on me which would possibly put me off buying them. I am probably dead wrong, they are probably a fantastic brand that deserves a lot more credit than I’m giving it and no doubt my outlook would change if I spent £500 on a set of their irons but for the time being I’m not feeling them.

At least they don’t try and hook in the morons by giving their stuff exciting names like ‘Burner’ and producing garish golf bags and that. Oh…

26 - Swanky Clubs, Cheap Hybrids And The RSPCA...

So, now I’m back into the game (and I’ve just been paid), I thought I would indulge in my new favourite pastime of drooling over golf porn (not the bunker babes (click here to check out what I’m talking about, it isn’t pictures of Eva Braun either, wrong sort of bunker) or the likes of Natalie Gulbis or Michelle Wie – do a search), I mean clubs ‘n shit.

I started flicking through the reviewed section of Golf Whine Monthly to see what was shiny and new and the answer was a fucking lot. Ping have got some weird aluminous green shafted monsters called Rapture V2 that look the absolute dogs bollocks. Apparently they are even good for people with high handicaps…I wonder what they are like for useless clowns like me though? Hmmm, might investigate.

Talking of clubs that are good for people with high handicaps, TaylorMade have whipped up a set of clubs called Burner Plus which are apparently “ultra, ultra forgiving”. The magazine goes on to say “Game improvers should strongly consider these new irons”. Well that is me sold! The only problem is, they are TaylorMade and I would look and even bigger bellend than I already do if I step up to the tee with a set of swanky clubs only to start hacking the shit out of the fairway/rough/bunker with them.

Anyway, that kit is off my radar until I’m good enough to be classed as shit (as opposed to fucking useless – the rating I have at the minute. I need to whip up a table showing my progress from where I started all the way up to my ultimate aim of average). I need to improve before I can justify the expenditure of a set of clubs which is why I’m experimenting with the likes of my £10 56* wedge. This brings me on to my latest purchase, a £10 Howson Comp Plus Hybrid Wood.

I’ve had a couple of cracks on the Driving Range with other people’s Hybrids and they felt good but I didn’t have enough time to practice to see if they were worth blowing cash on. I saw that little Howson on offer for just a tenner and thought it was a bit of a no-brainer buying it. When it arrives I’m going to give it a full test at the range to see if it will improve my game. Reading magazines and websites it seems these clubs are a revelation so I’m hopeful they can help me.

My golf bag has more mongrels in it than the local RSPCA dog’s home. The bulk of my bats are Callaway Steel Head irons and Big Bertha woods but there is also the Knife 56* wedge, the Howson Hybrid and the recently acquired Hippo John ‘Arthur’ Daly driver. Add to this a rogue Dunlop 6 iron that I noticed the other day and it is fair to say it is literally a mixed TaylorMade bag (which has a Nike umbrella and a Maxfli towel attached to it incidentally). I’m such a brand whore.

Richie has lectured me in the past about buying random stuff. “Will it improve your game?” is the chant from him. “Fuck that, does it look good?” is my retort. He has given up now and just tells me to buy whatever I like as he knows he will inherit it once I chuck the towel in and give up. At this rate he is going to have some utter shite in his bag!!!

06 - Golf Whine Monthly...

Now that I can effectively hit the ball in the general direction I want it I was eager to start playing but first I had to obsess about the game some more. There is an easy way to obsess quickly – I entered the world of magazines (not THOSE magazines, golf magazines).

I tried two to start with, Today’s Golfer and Golf Punk. Today’s Golfer is exactly what I was expecting in that it was quite serious and focused on helping you lower your handicap and all that shit. It has product reviews, player interviews and workshops – all good stuff no doubt. Golf Punk is Nuts Magazine with putters. Nice. Both were ok, nothing that made me think I should subscribe and receive some implausibly shite gift or anything though.

One thing I did notice was that the reader’s letters were so dreary. “I paid 150 Euros to play on a top course in Portugal and when I got there the fairways were lined with villas. It was like playing in an expensive housing estate. Blah blah blah.” So fucking what? Just smack the balls up the field sink the little bastard and move on, don’t whine like a bitch about it in the hope of winning a wedge.

I’m seriously considering writing to the magazines to see if I can inject some humour and wit into the letters page [insert your own joke here]. If I’m being honest I think I would have to tone down the language, stop the aimless rambling about shops and thongs and have something interesting to say. Hmmm, maybe I’ll give it a miss.

On the subject of wedges, is there really THAT much difference between the six million that get reviewed in the magazines each month? In all honesty, how can one be significantly better than the other and therefore justify being significantly more expensive? It isn’t just wedges though. Why is it that Ping stuff cost so much? How much better can Titleist Pro V1 balls be to a cack handed moron like me? Are Footjoy shoes really as comfortable as carpet slippers? Will wearing Tiger Woods’ Nike gear get me a harem of horny ‘bunker babes’?

Ok, if I buy Ping clubs, Taylor Made Woods, Callaway wedges and use Titleist balls will I suddenly be a better player or is it all a big swiz? The fact that I’m using expensive Callaway clubs yet couldn’t hit a cows arse with a banjo says it all I think. Fuck it, I’m only buying stuff that looks good from now on, starting with the Titleist Vokey wedge (above) because you can buy it with something called an ‘oil can finish’ which is like a rusty brown but looks boss…unless I win a wedge with my ‘hilarious’ letter to Golf Whine Monthly.