124 - Do Not Adjust Your Set...

When I was a kid yellow golf balls were everywhere – by everywhere I mean in the woods and wild rough littering the local municipals I would visit when my golf ball collection would need restocking – but you don’t see them as much anymore. All that could change thanks to Srixon.

The Japanese ball manufacturer recently unveiled the new Srixon Z-Star Yellow ball (below) at the WGC Accenture Matchplay tournament when South African Tim Clark used it. Interestingly Clark claimed the colour had stress-reducing properties that helped him to victories over Vijay Singh and Martin Kaymer.

This stress relief has been confirmed in psychological studies where is was shown that the yellow/green colouring used in the new Z-Star had a calming effect at address compared to traditional balls as it is more comforting to the eye which helps the player focus on the next shot. Clever stuff.

According to the boffins at Srixon the ball is easier to see as it moves through the air too. In tests at distances of 275 yards, the Tour Yellow was spotted over 60% of the time, compared to 21% with the white ball.

What this means in the real world is that the colour should help reduce the number of balls that go missing in light rough due to being lost in flight.

The Srixon Z-Star is one of the best balls on the market at the moment and is used by the likes of Jim Furyk and Miguel Angel Jimenez. It is a real alternative to the all conquering Titleist Pro V1 and in it’s new ‘mellow yellow’ guise could shift a few units when it goes on sale in May priced at £44 per dozen. 



117 - Five Star...

I admit it; I’m a sucker for gadgets, technology and new developments in golf. Although I do tend to whine about the manufacturers attempts to make the game of golf easier, I always skip to the new product section of Golf Whine Monthly for a quick drool at the stuff I will never buy. Flicking through the magazines recently I stumbled across something I badly want which infuriated me at the same time.

It is no secret that the golf equipment manufacturers churn out stuff each year with the sole purpose of making themselves a few quid, good luck to them I say. Occasionally the powers at be fiddle with the rules slightly giving the companies an excuse to produce a new driver with a 460cc head or a wedge with v grooves for example, but sometimes the big corporations make stuff for the sake of making stuff it seems.

Modern golf balls are broadly broken up into two categories; two piece balls that are aimed at higher handicap players who put a premium on low cost and high life span of a ball and three piece balls that are aimed at lower handicap players who demand playability and flexibility from their ball (there are also a few four piece balls that are basically the same as their three piece brethren but cost more and erm, well that is it really as far as I can tell).

But what if a two piece ball isn’t enough for you? What if a three piece ball leaves you cold? What if a four piece ball sends waves of apathy coursing through the very fibre of your being? I’ll tell you what you need in that case, a five piece ball!!!

But what kind of deranged company would come up with a ball that has almost as many layers as an onion? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you TaylorMade.

The ‘number one name in drivers’ is hoping to challenge Titleist to become the ‘number one name in golf balls’ with the release of its Penta TP five piece ball (above). Sergio Garcia, Retief Goosen, Y.E. Yang, Justin Rose and Jason Day are all set to use it on tour this season but TaylorMade are confident that the ball will be a big hit because the multi layer technology makes it the ideal choice for every level of golfer.

So how does it work? Well the new hazard finding missile from TaylorMade has a core designed to promote high launch speeds and low spin for distance off the tee, an inner mantle which does something similar for long irons, a middle mantel to help promote a mid launch trajectory for mid irons, a outer mantel designed to stop the ball spinning back too much when using scoring irons and a cover designed to give ultimate control. Phew.

So what does all that mean? In theory TaylorMade have produced a ball for golfers of all ability that is effective at all ranges with all clubs. If it works in practice then the Penta TP could be the most significant development in golf ball design since Titleist unleashed the all conquering Pro V1 on the golfing world. Or it could be just another golf ball at the end of the day...

47 - Salmon Pink, Tangerine And Other Manly Colours...

With the big day approaching (I’m talking about my lesson’s with the lovely pro at Widnes golf course not the imminent exit of that whining skank Rachel from the X Factor – ahem) I decided to go on a mini shopping spree to make sure I’m all set for the game. I have the majority of stuff needed but could do with a few ‘essentials’.

As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, I have stocked up on golf balls. Richie told me when I first started playing that until I’m any good it doesn’t really matter what balls I use. With this in mind I pored over magazines, scoured the Internet and decided I needed Titleist Pro V1’s as they provide the distance off the tee and control around the green a player like me demands. Then I saw they were £32 a dozen. Fuck that.

So there I was, on the first tee at Kirkby with my £10 a dozen Callaway Warbird’s with the cross of St George proudly emblazoned on them and my silly little kangaroo drawn on the bottom. Needless to say, I’ve played five rounds in total now and they have all gone, lost to rough, trees and swamps. RIP little Callaway’s. To be honest I’ve lost a load of shite Dunlop’s too but I’m not that arsed about them. Oh and some new Slazenger B52’s.

So I needed some new hazard finding missiles and wasn’t going to pay too much for them. A quick look around Sports Soccer (or whatever it is called, you know the place, in the corner of Speke retail park – I’m not going through all that again) and I found some luminous yellow Donnay balls at a very reasonable price. I’m not THAT fucking stupid so I bought two-dozen Nike NDX distance balls instead.

As it is now November I need some warm gear to play in. I had a choice; top of the range, breathable, waterproof gear from some Scandinavian manufacturer that makes expensive stuff exclusively for golfers or some long sleeve polo shirts. I’m now the proud owner of two long sleeve polo shirts…although they aren’t exactly what I paid for.

I went on to my favourite online golf emporium and notice they had a cool 3-for-2 offer on certain golf shirts. After a bit of perusing I chose a plain white shirt, a black shirt with some rather fetching pink pinstripes and a funky looking ‘tangerine’ Callaway short sleeve top (it was like a dark, rust colour on the picture). Hmmm, everything is not really as it should be.

The package arrived and my white shirt is present and correct. It goes a bit Pete Tong after that though. Instead of sending a black shirt with pink pinstripes I’ve actually got a pink top with black stripes. Very fetching I’m sure you can imagine? Actually, it reminds me of the salmon pink Everton away kit from the 90’s so I’m keeping it. The Callaway shirt isn’t a dark rust colour it is, as advertised, tangerine. Again, very fetching and again I’m keeping it!

To be honest, the only place two of these tops will ever be worn is at the private course at Widnes as I fear for my safety turning up at a municipal in a salmon pink top. The scalls in their England shirts, Lacoste tracksuit bottoms and Reebok Classic’s would literally tear me limb from limb…especially when they see how shit I am. They will think I’m taking the piss out of them (if they are capable of coherent thought that is?)

So when I turn up to play at Widnes with the pro I’m going to look like what can only be described as a twat. Couple this with the fact that I’m useless and have had almost no practice for the last few weeks and you can understand the day can’t come quick enough for me!!! This is going to be a car crash.

28 - Balls To You...Possibly!!!

I mentioned in a previous post that I have designed a little kangaroo that I draw on my balls so that when people find one of the many I have hacked into the rough they know it is mine and can get it on eBay to make a few bob on the back of my fame (I think it is important to give something back to my legions of fans. Ahem.) Anyway, I got around to drawing them.

As you can see on the slightly out of focus and generally shit photo, the little fellas are looking ok…well I think so anyway. I added a little line underneath his foot and tail to help me line up my putts (not that it works). According to one apparent ‘art critic’ the addition of the line makes it look like an Egyptian hieroglyph again. Listen mate, opinions are like arseholes; everyone has got one and I don’t want to listen you yours.

It may come as a shock to some of you but it is much easier drawing a little roo on a Post-it Note at your desk than it is to do on a ball on your couch. This accounts for the variation in quality of design on the balls (the one on the bottom looks like it has a massive stiffy for example whereas the one on the top and the left one look hot to trot). I’m proud of that little logo though and might stick it on more stuff.

While investigating websites that print shit on merchandise for the R.I.G.S. project, I found a couple of websites that will happily put logos on golf balls for a surprisingly small fee. For example, a dozen Callaway Warbird’s (currently my favourite rough finding missile) with a logo on cost about a fiver more than 12 blank ones. That isn’t bad, especially when you consider that a Sharpie marker costs eight whoring quid if you get it at the Aintree Driving Range…

So, all things being equal, there might be a few gleaming golf balls with my little roo professionally emblazoned on them finding their way into rough, bouncing off trees, plopping into water hazards, bouncing down dual carriageways and screaming through windows of nursing homes soon. Who knows, if you are good, I might even give some away in another of my famous competitions (only famous because they never seem to fucking happen).