175 - Kanga-cool...

When I first started this blog I wrote about designing my own little logo after seeing a Titleist advert showing how different Tour players mark their Pro V1’s (the point they were trying to make was that with so many players using their balls they had to mark them so there was no confusion – clever and smug, I approve).

I came up with some initial designs and eventually settled on my own stylized little kangaroo. The kangaroo incidentally comes from a nickname I got in college years ago so I thought it would be as good a thing as any to use for my logo seeing as it was quite unusual.

With my little stick figure ‘roo designed and refined I started drawing it on my golf balls. The problem is, golf balls have dimples and I don’t have a template or guide so getting the logo on the ball means me drawing it freehand which invariably means it goes all wobbly.

No, the only option is to get someone else to put the logo on for me which means looking to the professionals.

A quick look on the Internet shows there are lots of companies that will print text or images onto a golf ball for a relatively small charge.

Thankfully there is usually a wide choice of balls to select from too so I’m not going to be lumbered with my little logo plastered on something that is effectively a plastic covered stone or something that has all the flight characteristics of a house brick.

I asked my brother-in-law who is an all round smart arse when it comes to design to transfer my logo from a back of a napkin scribble into something that a printing company can use. After a couple of hours he had whipped up my professional looking little logo (above). I’m genuinely impressed!

Now that I have my design I intend to get it put on a box of Srixon AD333’s as soon as possible. I’m also getting it put on a couple of polo shirts too; there is a company that will embroider it onto an Adidas Climacool and a Nike Dri-Fit for a couple of quid extra.

Give it a couple of weeks and I’m going to look the part…or an utter, utter cock.

174 - Square One...

I made my return to golf tonight after a 3-month lay off when I popped along to the driving range at Aintree after work. I was looking forward to swinging the wrenches after such a long gap but as soon as I picked up a club I realized all was not well.

Going on the wise and sage advice from Golf Whine Monthly, I took a number of clubs to allow me to practice a variety of shots instead of just bombing little yellow balls up the range off the face of my driver. With that in mind I took my 3 wood, hybrid, 7 iron and 58* wedge – suitably varied methinks.

The thing I love about my 3 wood is that it has a stiff shaft and is a lot more consistent than my driver. Unfortunately the only thing consistent about my performance with the 3 wood today was its inconsistency (isn’t that a shit cliché? I feel ashamed.)

For every good shot I dragged out of my Mizuno F-60 (left) there were two or three that veered violently towards the fence to the right confirming that my battle with the newbie slice was far from over in fact you could say I was losing the war – badly.

It was a similar story with my hybrid. I did my research before buying the Mizuno MX Fli-Hi, all the reviewers creamed over the clubs forgiveness and performance. I must have a warped one as I struggle to get the thing to do anything remotely useful.

It wasn’t all doom and gloom though, my 7 iron worked beautifully. Going back to the reviews, the word often used when describing the feel of the clubs is ‘buttery’ and I now know what they mean. Catch the ball just right and it glides through the air effortlessly.

I finished the session with a few chip shots, simulating the little approach shots from around 50 yards. The 58* wedge wasn’t perfect for this as it launched the ball higher than the distance it travelled down the range. The ball flew delightfully into the air before coming down covered in snow and landing a few feet away.

I trudged out of the driving range and slumped in my car, I was knackered, frustrated and annoyed. Despite all the practice I had put in over the last 18 months it seems that the 12 weeks lay off has done for me. I’m now back to square one. Maybe it is time for some professional help…

173 - A Win/Win...

Check me out; I’m a big winner!!! I buy a fair bit of stuff from onlinegolf.co.uk and they have a monthly competition where you can submit a review from one of your purchases and if it is good enough you win £100 in vouchers for their site. I submitted a review and it was good enough!

I wrote on here recently about the excellent Oakley Squares sunglasses that look great and work superbly. That article was pretty much the review I sent in to onlinegolf, which as it turns out, they loved. Kerching! I’m a ton up boys and girls.

I write on this blog all the time but it never actually occurred to me that my fevered rantings could make any money (or vouchers in this case). Never the less I’m now reaping the rewards of my literary ability (either that or it was a slow review month at onlinegolf.co.uk).

So, I’ve now got a 100 nuggets burning a hole in my pocket, well actually I haven’t, I’ve spent them already! You know me, I’m a sucker for shiny, new things so I was straight onto the website, perusing all the lovely, lovely gear they had to offer.

What would it be? A Ralph Lauren polo shirt or two? How about some sexy Galvin Green waterproof goodness? Oooh, what about a bit of technological pornography in the shape of either a Bushnell range finder or a Garmin GPS system? With so much on offer I made the obvious choice, a trolley.

Now I know that a trolley doesn’t sound the most glamorous of purchases (especially when you hear it isn’t even electric) but it something that I really need. I could make do without another polo shirt or another waterproof and to me using rangefinders or a GPS system is simply cheating. No, a trolley it is.

As we speak there is a fabulous Sun Mountain Micro Golf Cart (above) winging its way to me. This little four-wheeled beast is, according to the reviews, fantastic so I took the plunge and ordered it. Expect a full review once I get my sweaty little paws on it.

172 - An Unfortunate Sight...

I mentioned in a previous post that I now have a beautiful Kangaroo from Daphne’s adorning my Mizuno driver. My lovely, lovely fiancée highlighted the fact that if the cover isn’t turned the right way the cute image is completely shattered (below)!!!

171 - The Best A Man Can Get...

Tiger Woods is so important to golf, golf magazines, golf blogs and golf sponsors that the fact he has decided to grow a little goatee beard (below) is now news apparently. Is this how far we have sunk, chattering like housewives because he decided to sport some facial hair for the WGC Bridgestone Invitational at the Firestone CC?

I get irony, I realise that by talking about this subject not only am I continuing the cycle but I’m actively promoting the debate but come on, how is some hair on Eldrick’s chinney, chin chin news worthy? Apparently it is, apparently it is almost a big deal.

I hope that this beard is a not so subtle F.U. to Gillette who decided to “limit Woods’ role in marketing” when his extramarital manoeuvres with a gaggle of women made it into the public domain. I hope he is showing Gillette that he is limiting his use of their products by not shaving his chin!

Now that he is damaged goods why not annoy more sponsors and make a few bob? Tag Heuer are one of his main supporters but why not be filmed smashing up an Aquaracer before signing a deal with James Bond’s watchmaker of choice, Omega? Who knows, they might knock him up one with a laser range finder in it or something.

EA’s Tiger Woods games are, quite simply, fantastic but that doesn’t mean there isn’t scope for change. Why not get a load of EA produced discs and smash them off a tee in front of the world’s media then sign a deal with Nintendo to get Shigeru Miyamoto (Donkey Kong, Mario, Zelda etc) to produce a fresh, new, cartoony, puzzle laden version of the game.

Tiger’s most prominent sponsor is Nike and the partnership has been very successful but maybe it is time for a change. In the current climate I have absolutely no doubt that TaylorMade-Adidas Golf would be first to snap Woods up, shackling him to a deal so comprehensive that the 34-year-old would be contractually obliged to get three stripes tattooed down his arms.

Back in the real world we all know that there is absolutely no chance of anything like that happening. Woods will continue to smile at all the right events, wear all the right clothing and use all the right equipment. If the goatee is a tiny rebellion then the great man has gone up in my estimation but chances are he just fancied a change.

170 - Recline In Style...

So I am the proud owner of a pair of expensive Oakley sunglasses. They are sexy, designer wrap around shades that work brilliantly and look the absolute dogs danglies. I bought them to be used exclusively on the golf course but now I’m having second thoughts.

You see, because they are so nice and sexy and expensive I’m terrified that they will get damaged or lost as I hack my way around the local municipals which kind of defeats the point in me getting them I suppose. It also means that I’m still blinded by the sun whenever it bothers to peak from behind a cloud.

I needed a back up plan. Ideally I wanted a pair of cheap, good looking, designer shades that work as well as the Oakley’s but cost a fraction of the price so that I wouldn’t be heartbroken should they get crushed in my bag or left near the 15th green. Step forward the Sundog Recline’s.

Sundog, while being a big name in the sunglasses world, aren’t quite the giants that Oakley are, a fact reflected in the price of their products but certainly not the quality.

The company produces excellent eyewear for golf, cycling and baseball with a number of big name sport stars on board.

Golf stars Paula Creamer, Hunter Mahan (recent winner of the Bridgestone Invitational at Firestone Country Cluband) and Mike Weir have long running deals with the company and all have their own range of designer eyewear. I’m not a big enough star to have my own range just yet so I have had to make do with a pair of off the shelf.

Maybe ‘make do’ isn’t the write thing to say as the Recline’s are superb. I’ll be honest, they are not as good as my Oakley’s but they were considerably cheaper, coming in at just £10 for a pair of well designed, well made shades. At that price the fear that they will be damaged or lost is all but eliminated too.

I was so impressed by the glasses that once I had worn them for a couple of hours I immediately bought a second pair in a different colour. I now have them both tucked safely in my golf bag should the sun finally make an appearance this summer.

169 - Completely Owned...

It is a sad day for cool golf boys and girls. International bright young thing and golfing heartthrob Camilo Villegas is leaving Cobra Golf and joining TaylorMade-Adidas Golf (TMaG). I know, I know, I’m in bits too, I'm a man on the verge.

Puma recently announced that they had purchased Cobra Golf as part of their commitment to strengthening their growing and successful golf business and I was I was looking forward to seeing the combination of the two brands being strutted up the fairways by Camilo.

But my hopes have now been dashed as the three-time winner on the PGA Tour has signed an exclusive deal with TMaG that will see the Columbian completely decked out by his new sponsors from top to bottom.

It has been reported that this years The Honda Classic winner will play TaylorMade clubs, a TaylorMade ball, wear TaylorMade headwear, wear a TaylorMade glove, use a TaylorMade staff bag and wear Adidas Golf footwear. That is as close to being owned by a company as you can get I guess.

Mark King (not the bass player from Level 42 but the president and CEO of TMaG) said: "Camilo is a winner, a gentleman, and a fan favourite. Cameras tend to find him because he has presence and magnetism that's impressive and rare.”

‘Spiderman’ will join other TaylorMade Tour Staff including Darren Clarke, Sergio Garcia, Retief Goosen, Dustin Johnson, Martin Kaymer and Justin Rose. The deal is seen as a bit of a coup for TMaG as the 28-year-old is one of the most recognizable and cool players on the PGA Tour right now.

I’m genuinely a bit gutted that that one of the most charismatic players on the Tour has declined the chance of working with one of the more innovative and interesting golf manufacturers. I’m a fan of Adidas Golf too though so there could be some Villegas inspired goodness making its way into my wardrobe I suppose.

168 - Quote/Unquote...

Sammy Davis Jr. hits the ball 130 yards and his jewellery goes 150. - Bob Hope

(On refusing to use a long-handled putter) If I'm going to putt and miss, I want to look good doing it. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

(On John Daly's driving power) Man! I can't even point that far! - Gay Brewer

Handicap: a device for collective bargaining on the first tee. - Anon

If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on television. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - National Lampoon

(On being asked, before his final round, what he had to shoot to win the tournament) The rest of the field. - Roger Maltbie

Time can run backwards if there's a woman on the course. - Henry Beard

To be truthful, I think golfers are overpaid. It's unreal, and I have trouble dealing with the guilt sometimes. - Colin Montgomerie

Some of these legends have been around golf a long time. When they mention a good grip, they're talking about their dentures. - Bob Hope

The more I practice, the luckier I get. - Gary Player

167 - Cuddly Toy Impaling…

I’m turning into that which I despise. I’ve gone out and bought myself one of those novelty driver head covers. I feel a twat to be honest, not because I’ve bought a cuddly toy I intend to shove my 460cc Mizuno driver up but because I like it (the cover not the stuffed animal bestiality you understand).

Now I know that a lot of the pros have cute animal head covers, most notably Tiger Woods, but it just doesn’t seem right when I see muni-hackers with a brightly coloured parrot in their bag, impaled by a Callaway Diablo driver. Despite this I couldn’t resist getting myself a cute-as-a-button Kangaroo.

My little logo (which I’m very proud of incidentally) is a blue kangaroo so I hit the Internet hard to see if there were any companies that produced kangaroo head covers in the correct hue – bit of a long shot but if you don’t check you’ll never know. Now I know, they don’t make them.

After some research I found that the number one company for creating novelty head covers is Daphne’s “Cover Your Driver Before It Knows What Hit It” – nice. They are responsible for the cute Tiger covering Eldrick’s Nike VR Tour Driver once he has stopped smashing it into the turf after another wayward shot.

I searched their site and found that they do indeed make a kangaroo! Unfortunately it is the wrong colour for me but they can do custom orders so my luck could still be in. I emailed them via their temperamental web form asking if I could order a slightly modified kangaroo and waited for their response.

There was good news and bad news in the sugar coated reply I received from Lori at Daphne’s. Yes they could knock out a little blue roo for me but as it was deemed to be a custom design there was a minimum order requirement of 500 units.

There are a couple of problems with ordering 500 blue kangaroo’s namely I don’t actually need 500 and at £7,500 it is a bit on the expensive side.

With the custom order option removed I went for a regular kangaroo from Daphne’s, magnificent in it’s brown and creamness (above). I’m now officially a part of twatdom where muni-hackers wander around with stuffed animals on their clubs and do you know what, I don’t give a shit.

166 - Ugly Betty...

Ping has decided to help us mere mortals with an all-new range of easy to hit, forgiving woods and clubs. The K Series is squarely aimed at the game improver end of the market, which is fine, but they have also sneaked out a new set of wedges and putters that is really giving me a lump in my shorts.

Lets start with the K Series first. The new set is typical Ping, well designed, beautifully made and ugly as sin. What is it with Ping designers; it is like they try to make their equipment deliberately unpleasant to look at. Dark metal club heads finished off with silver and maroon don’t do it for me at all.

The colour is continued across the family to the driver and fairway woods where it is a little more successful. The fact that the top of the woods is dark and miserable keeps the focus on the ball and not on the horrible looking club about to hit it.

If you like that colour combination then the Scottsdale Wolverine putter (left) might be right up your street.

I’m still not crazy about the charcoal/maroon scheme but the design is fantastic I reckon. I’m a sucker for this type of ultra forgiving, crazy looking putter.

Finally there is the new Tour-S wedge that is totally devoid of maroon in any way shape or form.

The club comes in chrome and what Ping toe-curlingly calls Rustique that thankfully looks a lot better than it sounds. It is one of those great wedges that rust over time to produce more spin.

Colour and design preference is a very personal thing and I don’t think Ping have got it right with the K Series kit but you know the performance will be spot on. The company has a long history of knocking up some of the best equipment I just wish they would make their stuff a little prettier.

The new kit should be available now from all good retailers (and the rubbish ones too).

165 - Strike Two...

I wanted a shirt to help me stay cool and dry on the course (when I haul my carcass down there), look cool and dry on the course but I didn’t want something too obvious. With that in mind I bought myself a couple of Oakley Strike polo shirts.

Why the Oakley Strike I hear no-one scream? I’m glad you didn’t ask! The polo’s are made from clever materials; they are well designed and not only were they well priced but were available as part of a 2-for-1 offer at onlinegolf.co.uk. Seemed like a bit of a no brainer to me.

So how do they work? I’m glad you didn’t ask again! Well, the surface of the shirt is woven into a small hexagonal pattern and, according to the bumf, it is constructed from a material that is breathable and incorporates moisture wicking properties to help evaporate perspiration. Interesting.

Also, thanks to some clever technology, you remain odour free. I’ll believe that when I see it (or not smell it I suppose).

After every round I am sweating like a glass blowers arse so if this bit of kit can help me keep dry and fragrant I’ll be impressed – or I’ll be wearing an Always Ultra I suppose. Ahem…

The other thing I really like about these shirts, and Oakley shirts in general, is that they fit me properly. Oakley is an American company and I’m build like an American these days which is usually a pain when it come to buying clothing, but not with this firm.

These are all season shirts too. The polo’s are light enough to be worn over a base layer or under a jumper so they can be worn in autumn when it is freezing, winter when it is freezing, spring when it is freezing or summer when it is, erm, freezing. I like this versatility.

Choosing Oakley instead of the more obvious manufacturers is a subtle way of standing out but a more obvious way is to buy the shirt in Brilliant Blue like I did (above). The colour is so loud it will give you tinnitus at a range of half a mile, which is my favourite thing about the top.